Compliment Sandwich: The Great American Bash 2004

The reboot of The Great American Bash took place on June 27, 2004 from the Norfolk Scope in Norfolk, Virginia. This was the same building where D-Generation X ran up on WCW Nitro's lawn just hours before they went on the air. It was the first time the event was held since WCW held its final edition in 2000. There were eight matches on the card, headlined by a Texas Bullrope match for the WWE Championship between Eddie Guerrero and challenger John "Bradshaw" Layfield and a handicap concrete crypt match between The Undertaker and WWE Tag Team Champions The Dudley Boyz, where if Undertaker didn't "do the right thing" by Paul Heyman, Taker's long-time manager Paul Bearer would be encased in concrete.

It's been called one of the worst PPVs WWE has ever produced. Dave Meltzer of Wrestling News Observer called the main event "a travesty" and went on to "win" Worst Worked Show of the Year that year. KB's Wrestling Reviews called it "torture". IMDB reviewers: "the worst piece of horse-crap I've ever seen trying to pass itself off as a wrestling p.p.v.", "PLAIN RUBBISH", "Just F'N awful", "it makes me wonder what ever happened to the heart of the WWE. Skip this pay per view by any means." Hell, even I put it in the dirty dozen of the worst PPVs ever.

So... with all that negativity surrounding this event, can I possibly say anything nice about it? Anything? Anything?

• Opening was kinda cool.
• Torrie looked good though. Just saying.
• John Cena in the old Michael Vick #7 Virginia Tech jersey with the US Championship belt. Pre-spinner, by the way. While it still mattered. Show opens with a four-man eliminator for the belt.
• I always hated Rene Dupree. Fuck him.
• Side nugget: three months prior, Booker T and Rob Van Dam were the world tag champions on RAW together. The Dudley Boyz were also in that match.
• Never, ever understood why WWE does multi-man matches in this manner: two in the ring, everyone else rests. I mean, I see why they do it. I just hate that they do it. If you’re in the match, fucking engage man.
• RVD does two five-star frog splashes, then gets okeydoked into elimination by Cena. Yeah….no.
• Kurt Angle as Lex Luthor. I kinda enjoyed it.
• Charlie Hass with future wife Miss Jackie. Looking good.
• Sable looking all star-spangled out too. If I’m not mistaken, Sable was gone not long after this. (Wikipedia check: less than two months later)
• I totally forgot: Smackdown kinda got fucked up real bad in the 2004 Draft Lottery.
• Ouch. Broken freaking neck maneuver by Luther Reigns. Yup, he just beat former tag champion Charlie Haas. Nobody cared.
• Another Rey Mysterio-Chavo Guerrero match? Really?
• My God, the commentary for this match is asinine. There’s being a smart ass, and there’s being stupid, and we’re treading dangerous waters here.
• Not a holy shit moment. But pretty damn impressive though with the senton from the top rope to the floor. At least the crowd is engaged.
• 15 minutes plus. Not gonna lie, but the cruiserweight title match has been pretty good.
• Mysterio with the sunset flip pin reversal from the Gory Bomb. Nice finish.
• Funaki with the proper reaction to Torrie Wilson.
• This match was set up just three days before the PPV: Kenzo Suzuki vs. Billy Gunn. Must… try…to care.
• Nothing says “All-American” like a former King of the Ring winner whose push got buried in eleven words: “Bob? But my name’s Billy--It doesn’t matter what your name is!”
• Suzuki wins with an inverted DDT backbreaker thingie. Nobody cared.
• Not even sure what Sable was wearing. But whateves. Looks good from the back though.
• Torrie looks good too. BTW: the divas match, made three days before the show. I think half the show was made three days before.
• Tazmaniac reference.
• Wow… a little too much snap on the neck, Sable.
• Sable’s dead weight. Possibly dead. Stop the match, little Naitch.
• Fuck that ending six ways to Sunday. Fucking referee.
• BIG FEET, DAWN. FOCUS.
• BTW: In the WWE DVD version, the stock theme replaced was an unused version of the theme soon to be known as Mr. Kennedy.
• Mordecai vs. Hardcore Holly: the third match on this show (at least) that was made on the Thursday before the PPV).
• I know I’m supposed to say nice things about this, but even I have standards. I’m skipping this match on principle. Mordecai wins with the Razor’s Edge, by the way.
• Texas bullrope match. Strap match rules apply (touch four corners in a row to win). Competitors must stay attached to rope at all times. An intentional removal = DQ.
• We have a cowbell. How nice.
• And corner lights.
• The Judgment Day spot. Bradshaw bleeds, though not nearly as much.
• Guerrero got fucked up on that toss to the Spanish table. No break. No bueno.
• Ok, now Bradshaw’s bleeding.
• Cowbell right in the cowbell. That’s a perfect description, isn’t it?
• And now the Strap Match Ending™.
• Eddie wins! Eddie wins! Eddie wins!
• Fuck.
• Fuck.
• Fucking fuck fuckerty fuck. Eddie Guerrero’s one and only world title run ended on that.
• Crowd reacts correctly. About as correctly as can be without chanting “bullshit”. I totally wouldn’t have blamed them for chanting it though.
• Fuck.
• Life truly isn’t fair. Vince’s pet project #433 goes over the people’s choice. Fuck.
• Concrete Crypt match next. This, by the way, is the main event. Fuck me.
• Dudleys and Paul Heyman out first. Dudleys are the WWE Tag Team Champions.
• Undertaker and his awesome entrance. There’s no such thing as a not-awesome Undertaker entrance.
• Doing the right thing (as if you haven’t figured it out already) was for the Undertaker to lay down for the Dudleys.
• Not 13 years, Cole. They separated for about two in the late 90s. Then all of the early 2000s during the American Bad Ass era. So… more like seven. But close.
• Keep waiting, Bubba.
• Calling the Undertaker a bad dog? Hate. Hate. Hate.
• Undertaker wins. Of course.
• And it was Undertaker himself that pulled the lever to finish the concrete crypt. And that’s the last we see of Bearer until 2010.

Wow. This PPV basically encapsulates the state of Smackdown post-Smackdown Six and post-Draft Lottery 2004. It was unwatchable. Wrestlemania XV is practically unwatchable today, but at least you feel good when you’re done. Not here. After the cruiserweight match, you get three matches made on less than a week’s notice that no one cared about, followed by a WWE title match with a Dusty finish, followed by one of the worst main events in wrestling history. No wonder people left there thinking they just came from a funeral. At least the title matches are worth your time. The best thing about Great American Bash 2004: scroll up. Though the 2005 poster is way better.

Where Have I Been?

Yikes. I just realized it's been almost a week since I wrote anything in here. Well, I'm in the process of moving... again. Second time this year, third time in a year and a half. Long story about why I'm moving after just three months, but that's for another day and that's not why you're here. You're here for me to say nice things about bad wrestling shows.

Today, I'll be watching another bad wrestling show: the 2004 Great American Bash. But first, a quick history lesson.

The brainchild of "The American Dream" Dusty Rhodes, The Great American Bash was originally an NWA event, first produced by Jim Crockett Promotions, then by WCW (in fact, The Great American Bash in 1991--another bad PPV I'll say nice things about later in the month--was the first major show under the WCW banner) in June or July (or in the case of 1986, August) every year from 1985 to 2000, except 1993 and 1994 for some strange reason. The rights to the name were of course acquired following the sale of WCW to the WWF in 2001, but was left dormant until 2004 when the WWE rebooted the concept.  WWE's version was a Smackdown-only PPV from 2004-2006 before becoming an interpromotional PPV from 2007 to its demise in 2009 when it was simply called The Bash. There was also a one-time reboot in 2012 when the name was used for a special live episode of Smackdown. To this day, it is the only WCW event to get a WWE reboot.

2004's version emanated from the Scope in Norfolk, Virginia; ironically, this would be the closest this event would get to its home for many years in WCW, Baltimore, Maryland. How shallow was the talent pool on Smackdown in 2004? Mind you, this was following the departure of the man pegged to be face of Smackdown and the WWE, Brock Lesnar. Luther Reigns, Mordecai, and Kenzo Suzuki all won a match on the show. All three would be gone by the following summer. This match also had the infamous concrete crypt handicap match between The Undertaker and The Dudley Boyz.

Is this PPV bad? Quoting from a few reviews:

From TUPWrestlingForm.com:

The Dudley's boys main evented the ppv, need I to explain anything else. Just a terrible card that featured the Billy Gunn facing off against the immortal Kenzo Suzuki.

From forums.wrestlezone.com:

That card is atrocious. Luther Reigns versus Charlie Haas? Kenzo Suzuki versus Billy Gunn? Mordecai versus Hardcore Holly? The next time you want to complain about a WWE or TNA pay-per-view, this event should be used as a point of reference for how things could be a whole lot worse. 

From funk1987.wordpress.com:

This one was another case where Smackdown fell  victim to Raw due to the draft lottery. Plus, the late great Eddie Guerrero dropped the strap to JBL in a bull rope match! And it gets worse, the Undertaker loses to the Dudley Boys in a concrete crypt match ,where poor Paul Bearer gets submerged in concrete to his death! 

Ok, that's fan opinion. How about something more authoritative?

Like JD Dunn of 411mania:

The Concrete Crypt match ranks as one of the single stupidest things I've ever seen in wrestling (and I've seen Abdullah the Butcher strapped in a chair and electrocuted). It's bad on so many levels that I don't even have the time or energy to go into them. On top of that, Undertaker has now squashed Kane, Booker T, the Dudleyz and JBL in successive PPVs. With the possible exception of the Dudleyz, all of those guys are heavily involved in the WWE's booking. That brings me to the other main souring point for most fans — JBL's title win. Look, I can't stand the guy either, but he's worked hard both in the ring and in promos to become the best heel he can be. So how do you build this guy up into the star that's going to draw big money…well, if you're the WWE, you have him win the title on a screwjob finish, lose in his first major title defense and get chokeslammed through the hood of his own limo. If you're going to push him, push him. If not, then don't give him the title. It's not that hard. Rey vs. Chavo was good. Eddy vs. Bradshaw was very good. The rest can go to hell. Strong recommendation to avoid.

KBsWrestlingReviews.com:

Overall Rating: R. As in returned like a bad steak at a restaurant.  Oh just no. I mean NO. This isn’t acceptable. Let’s see: attempted murder, actual murder, Bob Holly, Billy Gunn, Charlie Haas, and JBL, who at the time was a midcard guy for about ten years, is the new WWE Champion. This was AWFUL and while there are some ok matches, some of the things here simply are not acceptable whatsoever. Horrible show, and somehow it might get worse next year. 

Not exactly inspiring confidence, especially when the headline from that above review reads "this is the preferred torture method in 19 countries".

Maybe Dave Meltzer will have something nice to say about it:

Besides the final match being a travesty, the show was marred by four matches with almost no build-up until days before, thrown out, all of which were bad. The three consecutive matches with Billy Gunn vs. Kenzo Suzuki, Torrie Wilson vs. Sable, and Bob Holly vs. Mordecai were as bad as any three straight matches on a WWE PPV in recent memory. 

Scott Keith, maybe?

This match (the concrete crypt match), however, should have had a TV-14 rating on it, as in you must not have an IQ over 14 to enjoy it or the Undertaker's act these days. 

Yikes. Looks like a long afternoon may be ahead for me. I'll report back later.