Compliment Sandwich: New Blood Rising

The summer of 2000 was a great time to be a wrestling fan—that is, if you were a fan of the World Wrestling Federation. The Rock finally got a sustained run as WWF Champion and the clear #1 guy, their other #1 guy Stone Cold Steve Austin was on his way back from neck surgery, and their television shows have never been crisper, with most of the blemishes from the early days of the Attitude Era behind them. Oh, and apparently the WWF is so flush with money, Vince McMahon gets a crazy idea: start a football league that will run in the NFL's offseason: the XFL. 

If you rode with ECW, the shit's about to hit the fan and you don't even know it. Though your television deal with TNN has finally gotten you that national exposure you've always wanted, they've put so many fingerprints on the show it doesn't feel like ECW anymore. Of course, they're not really behind your programming; there aren't any promos for it. Hell, there are more promos for the show that follows it, Rollerjam, than yours. And it gets worse, my friend: Viacom, the parent company of TNN, has basically used your show as a test balloon to see if wrestling would be viable on their network. After being on the USA Network since the late 1980s, the WWF, the recipients of some $100 million American, is about to move their cable programming to Viacom networks. That includes TNN, which will be rebranded later as Spike TV.

If you were a fan of WCW, the situation was much more dire. The New Blood-Millionaires Club angle, the one that was to jumpstart WCW, was essentially abandoned when Hulk Hogan and WCW got a very ugly, very public divorce the previous month. This was during a year where the world title changed hands 12 times in three months (including title changes on three consecutive episodes of Nitro and one reign by actor David Arquette) and the booking team changed at least three times. At least there was a silver lining: Booker T emerges as just the second black world champion in its company’s history. Much of this year was booked—or should I say overbooked—by Vince Russo, by the end of which, he would have a world title reign himself and contribute to the company operating at a $60 million loss in its final full year of operation. And be out of a job. As will most WCW employees when the WWF buys them from AOL Time Warner in March 2001.

But let’s talk about the abomination that is New Blood Rising, WCW’s replacement August PPV for Hog Wild, later renamed Road Wild when Harley-Davidson threatened to sue WCW for using Hog. This PPV already has made more at the gate than their previous four August outings; why, you ask? The Wild PPVs were held at the annual Sturgis Bike Rally, and since it was basically open to the public, no money was made at the gate. This one: Pacific Coliseum in Vancouver (pay attention to that nugget: quiz later). 12 matches on this show. Twelve. When people discuss the haphazard method of booking Vince Russo uses, they usually point to this show. Well either this one or Wrestlemania XV. It also features the infamous “Judy Bagwell on a Forklift” match.

I will try to watch this with an open mind and incorporate nice things. But I’ve seen this show before, and it is as awful as everyone says it is. So if I rage quit somewhere (which I probably will), you know why. By the way, I will review this in context of what went on in WCW at the time of the show, though I will reference the future from time to time.

• I’m already starting with a hate. Oh boy. Gonna be a long three hours. Say what you will about the state of WWE, but the production people PUT IN WORK with the video packages and intros. WCW: not so much. I hate the opening so bad.
• This is a trios ladder match. Why are regular tag rules in effect?
• Never mind.
• I gotta mention that I hate Tank Abbott’s shirt with the nipple holes. What the hell, WCW?
• This isn’t as crisp as the triple ladder match from Wrestlemania 2K (or the three sequels, one two weeks later, the second at Wrestlemania X-Seven, the third on Smackdown about seven weeks later) but for what its worth, it’s pretty good.
• I hate you Tank Abbott, you no-selling fat fuck.
• A wild Disco Inferno appears. He’s alive, by the way.
• Wait… so Ernest Miller’s a face? And not even three minutes ago, he did a heel move by adding a team to the tag title match? I don’t get it. Do not like.
• A wild Tygress appears. I do like.
• Lotta kicking in that match. Might as well play to your strengths.
• Great Muta lost to Ernest Miller though. Do not like.
• Oh… here we go. Bagwell on a forklift.
• Kanyon’s mic doesn’t work. I like.
• All the insider jargon: DO. NOT. LIKE. In fact, I hate, I hate, I HATE. I’ll get to why I hate later.
• I should have mentioned this: if Judy wasn’t handcuffed to the forklift, why didn’t she jump off while the lift was down? Hell, why won’t she jump off now? I mean, I give her better than 50/50 if she makes the leap.
• Diamond cutter > Kanyon cutter.
• Fuck me, it’s David Arquette.
• Guess we’re still not calling DQs in WCW. Do not like.
• Bagwell wins, and post-match, Arquette gets a Kanyon cutter. I like.
• Goldberg in a “serious motorcycle accident”. This is right up there with Ricardo Rodriguez’s “severe injury”.
• As Cewsh Reviews puts it, it’s Kronik versus the WCW Power Plant All Stars in a four-corners match for the tag titles. With the Filthy Animals (who have possession of the belts but are not the champions) as referees. F. M. L.
• By the way, please explain why we are muting “ass” on PPV.
• I admit, I paid zero attention to this match. I regret nothing.
• The ending though: do not like. At all.
• I kinda had a crush on Pamela Paulshock back in the day.
• Shane Douglas vs. Billy Kidman. I swear those two had a “Viagra on a Pole” match once.
• They did. Two weeks before the PPV.
• Torrie Wilson not quite in her prime. I still like.
• It should be worth pointing out that this is pinfall or submission to win, similar to the match between The Rock and Triple H from a year before.
• Run-ins by Vito, then Reno post-match. Nobody cared.
• Major Gunns vs. Miss Hancock in an ROTC match, ROTC standing for Rip Off the Camouflage. Major Gunns is adult film star Tylene Buck, Miss Hancock is Stacy Keibler, former Baltimore Ravens cheerleader, future ex-girlfriend of George Clooney. Mudpit standing by.
• As a match, this is horrible. This is a catfight and should have been booked as such.
• Oh, now would be a good time to point out that at the time of the match, Miss Hancock was “pregnant”.
• Fuck my life, we’re getting Terri Runnels-D’Lo Brown 1999 all over again.  I won’t acknowledge that nonsense any further.
• The Demon, one of the worst contracts in WCW history (through no fault of his own) is crushed by Sting in just 52 seconds. I love.
• This, by the way, was a “special main event”.
• Including the entrance and post-match beatdown, Sting, one of WCW’s most popular performers, appears on camera for two and a half minutes total.
• Lance Storm got the rocket strapped to his back when he came to WCW. In his first three months on their roster, he won the US title—then turned it Canadian, won the Cruiserweight title—then turned it to the 100 kilo and under title, then won the Hardcore title—then turned it to the Saskatchewan Hardcore International title (basically, Canadian).
• And this is how a crowd dies. Vancouver knew Bret Hart was in the building. They wanted Bret. They expected Bret. They get Jacques Rougeau. The fucking Mountie. Really?
• I will say this though: Storm was insanely over in Canadia.
• Three rule changes and crooked referring needed to retain the Canadian title in Lance’s home country. I extremely hate.
• It amazes me that WCW could have used this golden opportunity to play up Storm's Canadian heritage to their advantage. Why should the Canadian, in his home country where he is cheered, have to overcome such overwhelming odds and have him booked like a pussy? I'm not even Canadian and I hate this.
• Oh, look. A wild Bret Hart appears. (Side note: Hart’s final WCW appearance happens less than a month later. On Thunder.)
• Second match of the night for Muta and Kronik. Muta is ½ the Dark Carnival along with Vampiro. Also, second tag title match tonight.
• Fucking Harris Brothers ruin everything.
• THAT MATCH. Goldberg vs. Kevin Nash vs. Scott Steiner. Here we get one of my biggest pet peeves: a triple threat match with nothing at stake.
• And Goldberg doesn’t show. Yet they play the music again.
• No Goldberg. So it’s Nash vs. Steiner.
• Correction: this is a #1 contender’s match for the WCW World Championship. Winner gets the champion at Fall Brawl.
• At least Nash and Steiner are trying. I like, I suppose.
• Hey look, a wild Bill Goldberg appears. This, by the way, was a couple months after the most ill-conceived heel turn in recent memory. Why so ill-conceived? Goldberg was for about two years THE face of WCW in the muck that was the New World Order.
• 2:19:42. The shoot finish begins. Why are we muting naughty words?
• Ok, back to earlier. My beef with all the insider jargon and such on WCW programming (and later TNA programming). For my thoughts, I defer to an e-mail received by one of the people who wrote for DDT Digest back in 2000:

To your casual fan who just watches wrestling for what it is, they wouldn't have had a clue whats going on. Why is there a week with no WCW TV? Why's Bischoff back? Who the hell is Russo? Whats going on? Why are they declaring all titles vacant. The situation was never really explained and the same goes for a lot of things in WCW.I firmly believe that Russo wants to get internet fans on his side. Example, giving Lance Storm three title. Internet fans love him. Sure, he's a great wrestler, but he doesn't deserve three belts, not so early in his WCW career. It's just catering for internet fans.And then he likes to 'swerve' them.Goldberg turning heel was done terribly. And remember the constant title changes on every show? David Arquette anyone?Someone made a good point recently, in a newsgroup, after reading what Bob Ryder said about WWF also catering to internet fans. They said, 'WWF caters for the fans at WWF.com, WCW caters for fans at www.pwtorch.com, www.wrestlingobserver.com. I thought that was a great comment.

• In other words, many fans have the Internet. But many, many more fans DO NOT HAVE THE INTERNET (or these days, many people get their wrestling news from the Internet, but many, many DO NOT get their wrestling news from wrestling news sites or dirtsheets because, let’s be honest, many, many people have the Internet). You better damn well cater to that bigger segment of people because the advertisers sure do. The hardcore fans: you have them hooked regardless. You have to get the casual fan. The common fan. The fan that wants to watch the show for the show, not what goes on behind the show. A good example is the Summer of Punk angle in WWE. Yes, they touched on what went on behind the scenes, but kept it just insider enough for hardcore fans to be happy, and lifted the curtain just high enough so casual fans can still suspend disbelief. For a few months, the WWE had that "what are they going to do next?" vibe that had casual fans--probably fans that never even watched a wrestling show before--talking. Basically, it's this: WWE tilts the fourth wall. WCW (and to a lesser extent, TNA today) takes a sledgehammer to the fourth wall. Or should I say, a Shockmaster.
• And fuck you Schiavone, Madden, and Hudson for obliterating the fourth wall and praising Scott Steiner. No credit for doing your job. I'm glad the three of you don't have jobs in the wrestling business. (Though, if I were to hire one of the three, it would be Hudson. He's the least annoying of the group.)
• I stopped writing this a little after 4pm Tuesday. It's nearly 24 hours later, and I still have to watch the main event. Gonna push through this now.
• Seriously, I wonder how much it costs to hire Michael Buffer. Just him announcing WCW events literally every week has to have him get enough coin to retire five or six times over.
• At least there's some psychology going on in the main event. I like that.
• Another one of the many guitars smashed by Jeff Jarrett. I'm sure he smashed thousands of them. Never drew a dime. 
• Wow. Jarrett got fuckered up on that Rock Bottom. (I refuse to call it the Bookend.)
• Pretty sweet finish though. I dig that.
• Vancouver doesn't seem to care though. They've been throwing stuff in the ring since about three minutes before the match ended.
• Seriously though: Booker T deserved better during WCW's dying days.

After spending some 27 hours (in real time) getting through this nightmare of a show, I have to say this: this was awful. The main event is solid, but it's very main eventy (two ref bumps), the opener is okay (aside from Tank Abbott nipples), but the rest of this show was all sorts of garbage. If you really want to sit through this, I recommend watching the crew from newLegacyinc take this show to the woodshed.

Or for a better juxtaposition, watch a PPV that happened just two weeks later that is considered among the best in WWE history: Summerslam 2000. This show, by the way, features a way better ladder match and a main event where an unexpected occurrence doesn't require a significant breaking of the fourth wall.

You're welcome.