Compliment Sandwich: RAW 8/5/13

We’re less than two weeks from what looks like will be one of the most stacked Summerslams in recent memory…maybe ever (or as some gamers refer to it as…WWE 2K14 roster reveal weekend). I’m going to admit it: I didn’t enjoy RAW last night. I quit about half way through. So anything after about 9:30 is a second-hand account from one of my friends, and I’ll do my best to sort it out.

For those that don’t know, a compliment sandwich is surrounding a negative comment with two positive ones, one before and one after. I think I might have a tough time with this one.

• Ah, opening pyro. It is good to see you again. That intro though, could use an update. I know you’re recently going back to using it after doing away with it altogether for most of the last season, but damn. Update it.
• Stephanie McMahon the MILF: I like.
• Stephanie McMahon in the same pantsuit every week: no. Don’t like. Can we get the lady a new wardrobe?
• Speaking of new wardrobe: Did Damien Sandow get stuck in the Gulf of Mexico a little bit too long? Significant shrinkage!
• That said, Daniel Bryan is a wrestler and I liked that he got that point across. Yeah, he’s a wrestler that happens to excel in wrestling.
• That tie, Vince: no. Just… no. Do not like. At all.
• But I did like Vince McMahon’s troll job on D-Bry. It will make the day Bryan gets over the fence that much sweeter.
• Wade Barrett: beardless jobber. He was a thing once, ya know?
• Oh: D-Bry’s new shirt. Money. I LIKE. And I don’t have a beard. Not quite feeling the back though. But whateves.
•  “Severe injury”? You know a lot more of your fans have the Internet than you think. And I’m pretty sure that it was reported on that vaunted WWE App. DO. NOT. LIKE. Just report the facts, brah. (Anyone else also found it ironic that Ricardo Rodriguez came back from a drug suspension on the same night Alex Rodriguez was suspended for drugs for all of the 2014 season pending appeal?
• Speaking of which, if this is the logic WWE plans to use going forward, I expect the following to pop up on an injury report any day now: Rob Van Dam- day-to-day (weed).
• Look, Alberto Del Rio is a fucking heat vacuum. That said, what Alberto Del Rio did to Ricardo Rodriguez has me more interested in him than anything he’s done in quite some time. I like that. (I reserve to retract this statement as soon as Friday.)
• Have someone return from a severe injury only for him to get a severe injury: no. Just… no. (Is R-Double going under the mask, or is—more likely—he getting his walking papers? Stay tuned.)
• Pedo Cody Rhodes continues to okeydoke Damien Sandow. I like.
• Ryback using Fandango’s finisher: the walkout. DO NOT LIKE. AT ALL.
• I liked and hated Cena’s promo. I liked that he too was unapologetic about who he was. But here’s what grinds my gears about the promo: he kicked dirt on basically anyone and everyone who is an indy wrestler. Many, many, many people started on said independent circuit, and that includes the man who holds the oversized class ring that doubles as a championship belt. BTW: Know who is an Arena Football League Hall of Famer? Kurt Warner. And he’s probably going in the Pro Football Hall of Fame in two years.
• I like Randy Orton dropping “the champ is here” line on Cena. Because, well… he’s right. He’s gonna be WWE Champion in two weeks. And we’re all going to hate it.
• The idea of more Cena-Orton matches though…*shudder*.
• I swear Bray Wyatt was a battle rapper in a past life. Dude can weave words together like no one’s business. I love that.
• It’s good to see EVIL WELDER KANE back. Don’t get me wrong: I enjoyed Anger Management Kane. But that’s how crazy La Familia Wyatt are.
• Crazy enough to bring back the FUCKING INFERNO MATCH. Bray seems unafraid though.
• Kaitlyn has a shirt. Good for her. It’s been a while since more than one diva’s had their own shirt. I’m thinking around the time of Trish and Lita. Full disclosure: I quit on the show during this match, so the rest of the show I’m going off a second hand account.
• It’s important to find a niche in the wrestling business, because if one doesn’t stand out, one doesn’t last long. Heath Slater’s niche is making others look good and doing the job. That guy’s gonna be employed for a long time.
• Remember when Curtis Axel was a thing?
• I like that CM Punk is so blindly focused on Paul Heyman that he will forego anything and everything around him just to get a free shot at the man that fucked him over and did him dirty at Money in the Bank: The PPV. I like that.
• I also like that said focus is gonna get him fucked up by Brock Lesnar. That be character development, people.
• I do not and would not like Brock Lesnar to come within ten feet of a microphone ever again. Ever.
• I like Kofi Kingston’s new pants.
• I don’t like Fandango’s new pants.
• So we’re getting mixed doubles at Summerslam? Dolph/Kaitlyn (which is something of a callback to NXT Volume 3) versus AJ/Big E? Not sure how to feel about it, but as long as this is the end of it because all four need to move on from something else. The strange thing is I’m not sure where they go from here.
• The six-man tag match I liked. The ending I did not. Hated it.
• The Shield standing tall while Randy Orton, legend killer looks on from afar. Foreshadowing, perhaps?

Today, I continue my mission to watch some of the worst PPVs of all time and try to say nice things about it. I'll sit through the infamous WCW New Blood Rising PPV from August 2000. In a Fanpost for Cageside Seats last year, I detailed in brief all the awfulness of this PPV. But I stand by what I said ten months ago: it's better than Heroes of Wrestling.