Compliment Sandwich: WCW Uncensored 1995

It’s been called one of the worst PPVs not just in WCW history, but wrestling history. WCW Uncensored 1995, winner of Wrestling Observer Newsletter’s Worst Major Show of the Year, took place on March 19 from the Tupelo Coliseum in Tupelo, MS. The idea of the show was to have rivalries settled without WCW’s Board of Governors involvement. There were just seven matches on the card, each with a varying stipulation: a “King of the Road” match where the competitors would have work their way from the back of a flatbed truck to the front, a martial arts match, a boxer versus wrestler bout, a Texas tornado tag match, two no-DQ matches, and a strap match.

This would be the first of six Uncensored events for WCW. Though WCW closed down its doors in March 2001, their final PPV was Greed. Besides the hook of potential out-of-control violence, one of the main selling points of the show was the debut of Hulk Hogan’s “ultimate surprise”. You, the wrestling viewer that paid somewhere around $25 for this show via dialing up your local cable provider (or undoubtedly more if you were in the building that night), probably assumed this would be the WCW debut of the Ultimate Warrior. Not so much. (1) that wouldn’t come for about 3½ years (following one last brief run in the WWF that flopped something awful), and (2) they got someone else to play a ripoff. They got a Renegade. But we’ll get there later.

• The opening was what it was for 1995. Nothing mindblowing. However, WCW did nicely put up the following disclaimer for the show: "The program you are about to see is a first in World Championship Wrestling. The following pay-per-view event, Uncensored, has been established due to the many grudges and differences which have developed between wrestlers over the past few months. With this in mind, the WCW Board of Governors has the following statement: Every match at Uncensored will occur without the sanction of the WCW board. The following matches have been agreed upon by all involved and will be held solely to settle any personal disputes. Get ready for a professional wrestling event like none other….it’s now time for WCW…Unauthorized, Unsanctioned and UNCENSORED." Almost makes me want to watch if I’ve never seen this before. But then again, I’ve already decided to watch, so here it goes.
• Tony, Bobby, and Mike Tenay are on the call. Well, more like Tony and Bobby, as Mike is doing backstage interviews for the show. This is Tenay’s first gig in WCW since the When Worlds Collide PPV the previous year. Interesting little nugget: every WCW announcer at the time did not want to do that show. They missed out: there was a five-star match that night that involved the late Eddie Guerrero and Art Barr.
• Why are Schiavone, Heenan and Tenay in tuxedos? For Uncensored? Really?
• Tenay working double duty, as he’s working the WCW hotline as well.
• Dustin Rhodes vs. Blacktop Bully to start. This is a King of the Road match. A little backstory: this was done in the outskirts of Atlanta a few days earlier. The match was heavily edited due to excessive blood (read: blood) by Rhodes and Bully. Blacktop Bully was Smash, best known as ½ of the legendary Demolition in WWF, while Dustin Rhodes was the “son of a plumber”, Dusty, and would go on to great fame as Goldust. BTW: as a result of the blood, which was against WCW policy at the time, both competitors were fired.
• It is a first, Heenan. Thankfully, there hasn’t been a second.
• It should be worth pointing out they’re fighting ON A MOVING TRUCK.
• It should also be worth pointing out that the buyrate for this PPV was 0.95, or approximately 380,000 buys. 380,000 people bought this? I refuse to believe that.
• The sun is setting on Tupelo. Or not.
• Considering this PPV took place at 7pm ET, the sun should be down already.
• Bobby Heenan being Bobby Heenan. So far, this is the only thing that’s making ths PPV tolerable. And I’m only 12 minutes in.
• There’s no church bus.
• Fucking hack edit job. And Smash being crotched in the worst possible way.
• Holy shit, Smash is halfway off the truck. This could end real bad.
• Blacktop Bully gets the horn and the win.
• And fireworks, for some reason.
• Following an interview, Meng versus Hacksaw Jim Duggan is up. This is a “Martial Arts Match”. Sonny Onoo is your referee for some reason. This is his WCW debut. Pinfall or KO to win, not that the crowd knows that.
• Some serious stalling here by Duggan.
• Yokozuna nerve hold by Meng.
• 3-point clothesline on the money, but Meng no-sells.
• Sweet Chin Music by Meng. And that’ll do it. Of course it helps that both Onoo and Col. Rob Parker both had a hold of Duggan.
• Johnny B. Badd vs. Arn Anderson in a boxer versus wrestler match. 10 three-minute rounds, with one-minute rests between rounds. Pin, submission, or ten-count KO to win. Is the 10-point must system in effect?
• Why are we asking about Jimmy Hart in the beginning?
• Two minutes in, and Anderson’s offense has been non-existent.
• Easily 10-8 for Badd through one round.
• After a brief moment of offense by Anderson to start the round, AA is down.
• Anderson sweeps the leg, but misses the elbow.
• And down goes AA again.
• Anderson taking some abuse in the torso. Three knockdowns for Anderson. Three knockdown rule is not in effect.
• Four knockdowns.
• Anderson with a free shot from behind post-bell and a DDT. Clearly someone’s been paying attention—it’s Uncensored. They can’t call it.
• Anderson clearly not waiting for Round 3 to begin.
• Round 3 begins with Johnny B. Badd on the outside.
• 10-7 Badd in the previous round on my card.
• And for the first time in the match, AA has a sustained advantage.
• Roc Finnegan trying to choke out Arn Anderson. And shit’s broken down.
• What do we call that round: 10-8 Anderson? Sounds about right.
• Finnegan cuts one of the gloves. And Arn is trying to get any advantage.
• Round 4, and Arn has a bucket over his head to start. That’s not good.
• Anderson down with a big right and a big left, and Arn’s down. The crowd is apeshit. He’s sleep.
• Johnny B. Badd by KO at 30 seconds of Round 4.
• Not gonna lie, but I liked this match. Straight boxing for about six minutes, then wrestling for about five, then comedy to wrap it up. Harmless fun.  
• Macho Man promo. GET THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE RIGHT NOW! I’LL KNOCK YOU OUT! NO MORE MR. NICE GUY! Yeah, Tenay. Who do you think you are? Dude wrestled in front of 90,000 people once. Who the fuck is you?
• “Macho Man” Randy Savage versus Avalanche, no disqualification. Remember this. There will be a quiz in a moment.
• Here’s a little nugget: despite both having been employed by the WWF for about four years, the two never met in a one-on-one match until this point.
• Random thought: this is the first of three matches in a row in which at least one participant is dead now. In this case, the only person alive is the referee Nick Patrick.
• We’re calling rope breaks? Really?
• Countouts? I thought were under no rules.
• Sunset flip by Macho Man… well, how did you expect that to go? Fuck.
• That was three on that rollup.
• And a fan runs up on Savage. Clearly, security is not working this PPV.
• That is Ric Flair in drag.
• RIC FLAIR IN DRAG.
• RIC FLAIR. IN DRAG.
• Hulk Hogan. Thankfully, not in drag,
• RIC FLAIR IS IN DRAG. FUCK MY LIFE.
• Macho Man wins by disqualification.
• MACHO MAN. BY DISQUALIFICATION. IN A NO DISQUALIFICATION MATCH. Cue Cornette face.
• FLAIR IN DRAG FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. I couldn’t agree more, Schiavone.
• Sting versus Big Bubba Rogers up next. Anything goes. So… no DQ like the last match. Big Bubba is best remembered as The Big Boss Man, aka Ray Traylor. Yes, that Boss Man that got hung up on a cell that one time.
• Bubba has the look of a Chicago gangster.
• And Sting is of course Sting. Blonde Sting.
• Big Bubba Rogers is big. And fat.
• Ass drop on a hat. I have officially seen everything.
• Fat ass Bubba working on the knee of Sting. Smart strategy if you think about it.
• Fans do not seem to approve.
• Holy shit, this match has slowed to a crawl.
• Sting apparently has blown out his knee…twice at least by 1995.
• Holy shit, Bubba gotta have a broken freaking neck off that German suplex.
• Sting’s knee craps out on an attempted scoop slam, and Big Bubba wins. Wow. The air just came out of the building.
• Tornado rules match: Harlem Heat versus the Nasty Boys. And the tag belts are on the line. I thought this was Uncensored. WCW officials had nothing to do with this. So we have a sanctioned title match on this PPV? Wait, what?
• Sister Sherri out with the tag belts. But no Harlem Heat.
• Nasty Boys are here. Where’s Harlem Heat?
• Paging Booker T and Stevie Ray.
• There they are. From behind to start. Hardcore tornado rules.
• They just slam dunked Knobbs.
• Gonna need two referees for this one I’m afraid.
• Sherri’s in.
• And her face is in Knobbs’ armpit.
• That’ll mess up her makeup. –Bobby Heenan. I disagree. That may be an improvement.
• They’re fighting in the concession stands. And it’s a mess. I didn’t realize this until reading about this PPV this morning: the concession stand brawl is a nod to one that took place in the same town in 1979. The brawl is considered to be a benchmark for early hardcore wrestling.
• There’s mustard everywhere.
• Everybody’s slipping.
• And Sherri nearly loses her top.
• And there goes the funnel cake stand.
• And the bell rings. Nasty Boys win. Ohhhhhhhhhkay….
• Knobbs pins Booker T with a fall forward slam.
• Apparently, this was not a title match. The Nasty Boys do win the belts about two months later.
• Michael Buffer with the intro. Sanctioned by the WCW Board of Directors. Wait, what?
• Anyways, main event time. Hulk Hogan vs. Vader in a non-title leather strap match. This is not to be confused with the Yappapi Indian strap match from the same event in 2000.
• Vader out first with Ric Flair. Still with eyeliner on.
• Hogan out next with no Jimmy Hart, and no ultimate surprise.
• Where is the renegade?
• Fuck. I just realized that Randy Anderson not only died, he’s been dead for over a decade. Cancer sucks, yo.
• Renegade in at 150 miles an hour and what not. And he’s all up in Ric Flair’s face. Looks like Flair’s gonna be watching from afar.
• Seriously though, the people were expecting Ultimate Warrior. Not cool, WCW. Not cool.
• Random thought: show of hands if you thought nearly 20 years later, the real Ultimate Warrior is still alive and the fake one would be dead.
• Match apparently will proceed without a referee.
• And Flair gets back to ringside. Some block Renegade is.
• Hogan’s biting Vader.
• A wild Renegade appears. And he’s doing his job. He gonna kill Ric Flair.
• Flair back at ringside.
• It’s a Vader splash, Schiavone.
• A wild Jimmy Hart appears.
• Three chairshots and Vader won’t go down.
• A fourth one puts him down.
• I believe that is #1.
• Quickly followed by #2.
• About twelve minutes in there’s been no attempt to win this match.
• Hogan’s up. Of course.
• Masked man with chair to Renegade. Then Ric Flair with chair to Hulk Hogan.
• Vader had the match in hand, but he misses a tuck and roll from the second rope. Way to go, ass.
• Flair with chair to Hogan…and Hogan is piiiiiiissssssssseeeeed.
• Hogan’s hooked Flair to the strap. Hogan’s barely hooked himself.
• Hogan takes the lap around, and apparently it counts. DA FUQ?
• It’s 3-on-2. And Arn Anderson’s tied up. Ut oh.
• A wild Macho Man appears.
• Yeah. And scene.
• My God, this is awful. I need a shower after that.

In a year that had a 38-minute 30-man Royal Rumble, Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow, Diesel vs. Mabel, a monster truck sumo match on top of a building (all as main events), and an entire PPV that took place on an actual beach, the show that was deemed “uncensored, uncut, unbelievable” proved to be the exact opposite on two counts (not uncensored, and definitely not uncut), and so unbelievable my words alone cannot do it justice. The show has exactly one decent match, but is so plodding in parts, I can’t in good conscience recommend watching it. I can’t even bring myself to say anything nice about WCW Uncensored 1995.