Compliment Sandwich: WCW Nitro 5/22/2000

Yesterday, I did a compliment sandwich on one of my favorite RAW is War episodes, the night-after Judgment Day 2000 episode of RAW. Not only it was the free TV debut of American Badass Undertaker, it was The Rock going off on the McMahon-Helmsley Regime after (a) being screwed out of the WWF Championship, and (b) being told that he was to be in a one-on-four handicap match.

Today, I serve the compliment sandwich to the Nitro offering from competing (in name only these days) WCW. The David Arquette era has ended, but the war between the Millionaires Club, WCW’s established—and most popular—superstars and the New Blood, talent that felt they weren’t given a fair shake, rages on. It’s been just over a month since WCW “started over”, and already the WCW World Heavyweight Championship has changed hands five times. Jeff Jarrett won the vacated title at Spring Stampede, loses it to Diamond Dallas Page a week and a day later, who then loses it to David Arquette without being pinned, who then loses it back to Jarrett in a three-tier cage match at Slamboree, who again lost it eight days later.

The champion heading into this Nitro: Ric Flair. THE Ric Flair, now on his sixth (or seventh if you count that time the title got vacated in 1994) reign as WCW champion. However, he ended the Thunder before this show struggling to stay upright as he did get injured. Classy WCW makes an angle out of it. Of course. Meanwhile, Sting and Vampiro continue their fiery feud (literally), Hulk Hogan made out with Torrie Wilson, and the New Blood is fighting each other, and the Filthy Animals walked on the group.

Sounds like the latest chapter in this saga may feature some New Blood on New Blood crime. Let’s find out as WCW presents Nitro from the Van Andel Arena in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

• A pair of limos arrives. Why’s Vince Russo with the WCW title? And why is sad Vince Russo sad? And why is sad Jeff Jarrett sad?
• And why is there a round cage hanging over the ring?
• We open with a match. A match! The Cat versus Booker T in a weapons match. Martial arts weapons are legal.
• Awful martial arts by The Cat.
• The Cat at the time was training Eric Bischoff’s then-16-year old son Garret. I think that explains everything right there.
• A reminder of the “relaxed DQ rules”.
• Slick Johnson is your referee. I fucking hate Slick Johnson.
• Booker with a Rock Bottom. From out of nowhere.
• A wild Shawn Stasiak appears. Axe kick and chair to the back of the head takes care of Meat, but…
• A cartwheel kick puts down the Bookerman at 4:49. This, by the way, is the longest
• Misfits in Action with Major Gunns bringing up the rear.
• Three corner splashes, then Stasiak pulls out Cat. Charming.
• A wild Eric Bischoff appears. With Kimberly Page.
• Kimberly Page looks AMAZEBALLS.
• Asshole chants. And random mutes. Fucking WCW.
• Eric Bischoff played the sleazy heel about as good as anyone can.
• Bischoff offering the olive branch to MIA to join the New Blood. MIA’s response: kiss our ass, complete with Major Gunns (real name: Tylene Buck) pulling down her shorts and mooning the New Blood.
• Late-to-work Kevin Nash is a gimmick. Who knew?
• Booker T has been fired. Again. That’s twice since the reboot Booker T got fired.
• Sad Vince Russo is still sad. Mock Ric Flair funeral later.
• Terry Taylor with Reid Flair. Show of hands that 13 years later, you had only Terry Taylor still alive. Damn.
• Speaking of Terry, Terry Funk is set to retire tonight. Terry Funk retiring: one of wrestling’s most enduring gimmicks.
• Daffney versus Crowbar for the undisputed WCW Cruiserweight Championship is on deck. Daffney’s the champion (the second woman to win the belt in six months, BTW after Madusa won it at Starrcade 1999), but Crowbar’s got possession of the belt.
• Dare I say it: normal-sounding Daffney’s kinda hot.
• Thumb wrestling, then rock-paper-scissors. And then wrestling
• A wild Miss Hancock appears. Miss Hancock was formerly Nitro Girl Skye, real name Stacy Keibler.
• Daffney with a Frankenscreamer, but only gets two.
• Crowbar is confused.
• A wild Chris Candido appears with Tammy.
• ANARCHY! ANARCHY!
• Fire thunder driver by Candido to Crowbar, and that’ll do it for Crowbar. Daffney checks on Crowbar, but Mickey Jay counts the fall and Daffney’s the one and only Cruiserweight Champion at 3:02. Seemed a lot longer than that.
• Meanwhile, Torrie gives Horace a backrub. Because why not.
• The Bookerman’s got plans for next week. Meanwhile Norman Smiley and Ralphus are washing cars for a buck.
• Kidman wants Horace. Me thinks he knows now.
• Kidman versus Horace, apparently with Torrie Wilson as guest referee is off and running.
• Hogan versus Kidman announced for Great American Bash. Hogan wins, he gets a world title match. Hogan loses, he’s retired.
• Horace with table. Torrie’s gonna let it go.
• Torrie is not on the line, apparently. If you say so, Eric.
• A wild Terry Bollea appears.
• Kidman reverses a Horace Hogan powerbomb. One does not simply powerbomb Kidman.
• Horace on table, and Ho Kogan beals Kidman off the top rope through the table that Horace lays on.
• Hulk Hogan forces Torrie to count, and Kidman wins at 4:05, though the official result is a no contest.
• More Ric Flair mock funeralness. Complete with absurdly big nose.
• WCW Hardcore Champion Terry Funk with tuxedo and cowboy boots. Apparently, his announcement is most major. Retirement, perhaps?
• Terry’s daughter Brandi is in the front row.
• If it is a retirement, it’s an excuse to put this in. Terry Funk’s first attempt to retire, way back in 1983. Terry Funk’s wrestling career: Then. Now. Forever.
• A wild Shane Douglas appears, and wants Funk to speed it along.
• Funk’s announcement: it’s a boy. He’s gonna be a grandpa. Congrats, Terry.
• Funk’s another announcement: June 1, he’s done. Brad Siegel shed a tear.
• June 1, 2001. One more year. WCW didn’t survive one more year, but Terry’s wrestling career did.
• Shane Douglas does not seem amused, and the New Blood is beating on Terry, while Funk’s daughter Brandi watches.
• Piledriver on the chair, and that’ll do it for Terry.
• And a DDT on the chair on top of it.
• And a spike piledriver. This is officially fucked up.
• Shane Douglas takes possession of the hardcore championship belt, as a stretcher awaits outside.
• Major Stash appears and he swaps buckets.
• Yes, WCW is still paying Kanyon, dumbass.
• Tony Schiavone with the Billy Madison blast.
• Ok, remember when I said Terry Funk getting dropped on his head while his daughter watches was fucked up? I take that back. Mike Awesome in a wheelchair and halo mocking Chris Kanyon is fucked up. As long as the check clears, I guess.
• Mike “The Career Killer” Awesome versus The Wall in an Ambulance versus Tables match. First person to put his opponent through a table or stuff said opponent in an ambulance and shut the door wins.
• Mike Awesome backdrops The Wall through the table. Awesome wins in just 85 seconds. This is the first match tonight to not have an in-match run-in.
• But Wall’s up. And he’s pissed.
• A wild Shane Douglas appears with lead pipe.
• A wild Diamond Dallas Page appears from the back of the ambulance, where Mike Awesome gets tossed.
• Meanwhile, The Wall is killing Shane Douglas dead.
• Literally.
• New Blood as pallbearers carrying the “coffin of Ric Flair’s career”. Big production goof: Mike Awesome and Shane Douglas appear. That’s sloppy, yo. If it said “earlier” or “earlier today”, it would be all good.
• And the Filthy Animals’ car just got a white coat of paint.
• Ok, remember when I said that whole Terry Funk and Mike Awesome thing was fucked up? This is fucked up: the “death of the career of Ric Flair”.
• Flair collapsing turned into an angle. Fucking-A, man.
• Russo sucks. And three and a half months later, he really will have the WCW world title.
• But for now, Ric Flair’s stripped of the title, and Jeff Jarrett’s got the title. Again. Third time in five weeks he’s champion. I don’t even think The Rock got to three that quick.
• A wild Kevin Nash appears from in the casket. And Nash cleans house.
• Kevin Nash has possession of the world title belt. I’m not gonna get it.
• Pamela Paulshock with a pissed-off Russo. Nash is given 45 minutes to give the belt back to Jarrett, or they’ll take it by force, no holds barred.
• Two cheerleaders appear. Then Shikira. Then Scott Steiner, WCW United States Champion. He’s from Michigan, isn’t he?
• Apparently Scott Steiner had quite the time at Michigan.
• Apparently, Scott now travels with an “asylum” now, a circular cage. Two men enter, exit occurs only when someone quits.
• Rick Steiner versus his younger brother Scott in an Asylum match for the WCW United States Championship. A domed roof, and yeah. No way out. Rick realizes the gravity of the situation.
• Tank Abbott with bolt cutters and R&B Security.
• Tankberg. Really? Really?
• Bolt cutters didn’t work, but Tank popped Mickey Jay, and he’s got the controls, and it’s two-on-one.
• A wild Kevin Nash appears, with world title belt in hand. Title shots to Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott. Match is a no contest at 3:34.
• New interviewer Pamela Paulshock with Kevin Nash. Nash seems to approve of new interviewer Pamela. Anyways, Kevin makes a match. Jeff Jarrett versus Kevin Nash, winner gets the belt.
• Chuck Palumbo with R&B Security and Miss Elizabeth versus Diamond Dallas Page on deck. The R&B security guards here: Allen Funk, best known as Kwee Wee (and later Bruce in TNA) before Turner S&P killed that character, and “Above Average” Mike Sanders.
• Liz cracks five across Chuck’s face, and DDP nearly takes advantage.
• A wild Kimberly Page appears. With bat. And Kimberly with the bat to the back of Liz. Wow. That’s fucked up.
• A wild Mike Awesome appears with halo.
• Page brained with the halo, and the Torture Rack ends Page’s night at 2:58.
• Lex Luger checks on Elizabeth, and he’s in a bit of a dilemma. Help DDP or help Liz.
• Kimberly trips Lex just enough to get Luger popped in the face by Palumbo with a flexor thingie. Stretcher for Lex.
• Yup, it’s bad. Get him in the ambulance, already. Fuck.
• Kimberly blames Liz. Kim looks amazingly hot though.
• Terry Taylor with Reid Flair. Fuck, this is depressing to watch in hindsight.
• David Flair and a wild Daffney appear with one of them Bruiser Buddy thingies.
• Reid's pouring out his heart, and Terry Taylor got blasted with a figurine.
• Reid Flair with a double leg takedown. Two points, right?
• Well, now it's uncomfortable. David gutshots Reid, piefaces him, and now puts him in the figure four. Fuck, something's not right in this world if David Flair's allowed to walk the Earth and Reid's not.
• I know, Schiavone. What the fuck are you doing? You're making it real easy for people to not like you, WCW.
• And they're showing the replay. What. The. Fuck.
• Vampiro (with can of kerosene and blowtorch) takes on FUNB Hogan. 
• Sting versus Vampiro in a human torch match announced for the Great American Bash. Match continues until someone burns. What the fuck were they thinking?
• Vampiro gets the jump on Hogan.
• Clusterfinishes? Not in WCW? Remember this. Quiz later.
• How does Hogan handle all these challenges? Creative control, my dude. Creative control.
• Big boot and leg drop, but Hogan does not go for the cover. Wonder if it'll come back to bite him.
• A wild Billy Kidman appears and beans Hogan with the torch in the back. Vampiro takes advantage and gets the pin at 4:45.
• Sting appears and saves Hogan's ass.
• And Sting and Hogan whips on Vampiro.
• Filthy Animals no like the new paint. Wild Misfits in Action appear. Norman Smiley runs like hell. Ralphus is down. Paging Miss Gunns.
• Hustle, Miss Gunns. It's Ralphus, who slips her the tongue. You magnificent bastard.
• Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash for the vacated WCW World Heavyweight Championship. Nash has possession of the belt, and will only give it back on the condition that he's beaten in a match.
• For the third Nitro in a row, a world title match is the main event. 
• A wild Vince Russo appears with R&B Security.
• And he's the referee as Billy Silverman gets wiped out.
• I guess it's falls count anywhere. Not that it matters, since Russo won't give Nash a fair shake.
• Nash peppersprayed by Russo and stroked by Jarrett. Steiner's music played for a second for some reason, then stops.
• Then it plays again, and out comes Steiner. And he gets maced too. And handcuffed.
• Nash's had enough of their shit.
• Swing and a miss on the bloodbath as Nash was about to plant Russo with a powerbomb.
• Jarrett with the acoustic, and he wins the WCW world title for the third time in just 4:39. 
• Bischoff, Russo, and Double J brag, and scene.

Compliment Sandwich: Spring Stampede 2000

A thought most random: how far off from center is the Spring Stampede logo on the left? Everything else looks centered, or at least aligned that way. It's just odd.

The final Spring Stampede in WCW history took place on April 16, 2000 from the United Center in Chicago. There were five of these events, first in 1994, then for four consecutive years from 1997 to 2000. The last Spring Stampede was also the first PPV of the Russo-Bischoff booking regime. This was coming off the heels of an Uncensored PPV that left a taste so bad that the only way to wash it away was to blow it up and start over. Kevin Sullivan, who replaced Vince Russo in booking originally, was himself replaced by both Russo and Eric Bischoff, one of the key components of the rise of WCW to the world's top wrestling promotion in the late 1990s.

When WCW was starting over, they were starting over. All titles were vacated, any feuds to this point were thrown out, and the roster was basically divided between young talent, dubbed the New Blood, and established talent, dubbed the Millionaires Club. All this was done, by the way, on April 10, less than a week before the PPV. In less than a week, WCW would completely turn itself over. But would it be for the better?

Let's try and make nice with Spring Stampede 2000.

This video package literally could open a Nitro. But the PPV came first, so it opens the PPV.

• Speaking of video packages, it’s worth saying. Even in 2000, the WWF was the truth in putting stuff like this together.
• Literally the same set used for Nitro is being used for Spring Stampede. Good God, not even WWE with their HD set does this for PPVs. It makes your company look cheap. That shit grinds my gears.
• DQ rules are being relaxed tonight. They did that the previous Monday, and three matches that night ended in a DQ.
• 5:40 in, we finally have our first entrance. Tag team title qualifier with the Mamalukes (later known as FBI in WWE) versus Team Package (Ric Flair and Lex Luger).
• Flair’s fired up. I approve. And he’s coming in his evening gear.
• Team Package should not be coming out to Lex Luger’s music. Ric Flair’s on the team, his music gets played. That’s a fact.
• Never mind. Solo entrance for “The Total Package” aka “The Final Answer” Lex Luger. His music has a Millionaire vibe.
• WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
• And already, Iron Man Vince Russo.
• And the Harris Brothers. I guess they’re in the match too. A three-team qualifier.
• And at 10:55, we have our opening match. Way too long to get to match #1 of the PPV.
• Not even the commentators can make of what would happen if the Harrises win. That’s not a good sign.
• Flair never hits that top rope move. He did maybe twice in WWE.
• Somebody’s mad at Disco. Two guys take him away. I totally approve. He’s a waste of space.
• That clothesline by Johnny The Bull was pretty impressive. Took a bit long to set up though.
• Team Package wins via Human Torture Rack of Doom.
• We’re muting “Damn.” Really, WCW? This is PPV.
• A wild Bam Bam Bigelow appears.
• Mike Awesome beats on Bam Bam Bigelow for some reason.
• Mancow versus Jimmy Hart next. I’ll skip.
• Kidman beats down Jimmy Hart post-match. Shot in the direction of Hulk Hogan.
• The Wall versus Scott Steiner. This is the first quarterfinal in the US Championship Tournament. Seven matches on this show focus on this tournament. Scott Steiner coming out to the old Steiner Brothers music for some reason.
• 32:53. We have a disqualification. The Wall chokeslammed a referee through the table. Scott Steiner goes forward. So much for relaxing the DQ rule.
• A wild Bam Bam Bigelow appears.
• Mike Awesome making his in-ring WCW debut against Ernest Miller. Quarterfinal match in the WCW US title tournament.
• A wild Bam Bam Bigelow appears. He took Miller’s place—literally.
• Ernest Miller dances. Do not approve.
• Awesome kills Miller. Three-and-a-half-star frog splash. Drive home safely. Awesome wins.
• Shane Douglas and Buff Bagwell versus Harlem Heat in the second qualifying match for the tag titles. Oh wait… it’s Harlem Heat 2000. Stevie Ray and Fat Ahmed Johnson, who is fat. Fuck.
• Shane Douglas enters as Buff Bagwell’s video plays on the screen. Figure that out.
• Yeah, I’m gonna skip. Only have to jump about three minutes.
• Booker T vs. Sting in a quarterfinal match for the US title tournament.
• Oh wait…Booker. He somehow lost the rights to use the letter “T” in his name. Fuck this company.
• Sting’s Metallica theme was always awesome. That’s a fact.
• Holy shit, this match is the tits right now.
• Schiavone said that neither of these men were close to done. Less than a minute later, Sting wins with the Scorpion Deathdrop.
• Post-match fist pump out of respect.
• Vampiro versus Billy Kidman (with Torrie Wilson) in the last quarterfinal. Winner gets Sting.
• Holy shit, Vampiro nearly killed Kidman with that release powerbomb.
• Second powerbomb attempt fails. One does not simply powerbomb Kidman.
• Third attempt also fails. Vampiro has learned nothing.
• A wild Hollywood Hogan appears. Shit is about to get real.
• Hell, if you can collect a PPV bonus without wrestling a match, go for it.
• Guess we’re not calling a DQ for that.
• Hogan versus Kidman is the root of this Millionaires Club-New Blood feud. Something about a flea market.
• Punjabi Plunge to the announce table, and table didn’t budge an inch.
• Scoop slam fixes that though.
• Vampiro wins. He’s not gonna apologize for it.
• ERIC BISCHOFF, HULK HOGAN’S COMIN’ FOR YOU NIGGA!
• Angry Ho Kogan is looking to choke a bitch.
• Some of Chicago’s finest… oh shit. Shit’s getting too real. Somebody’s got a gun out. No bueno.
• Next match begins as Hogan is being carried out in cuffs.
• They’re all rats. Whole cafeteria’s a bunch of rats.
• Terry Funk versus Norman Smiley for the hardcore title. Norman’s about to get ass raped, yo.
• My… my diet soda.
• A wild Dustin Rhodes appears.
• Terry Funk wins and is hardcore champion. Of course.
• Not gonna lie. It was a fun match. Stupid fun, but fun.
• Russo wants Booker T to do him an egg. This, by the way, is the last time we see Booker tonight, so we never find out what that egg is.
• And speaking of doing people an egg, Scott Steiner takes on Mike Awesome in the first US title tournament semifinal.
• Cops used guns; they didn’t even get disqualified. What does that have to do with anything?
• A wild Kevin Nash appears. With a crutch. And he takes it to the back of Awesome.
• Actually, this would be the last time Booker appears. Vince Russo fires Dustin Rhodes. Meh. No big loss.
• Vampiro versus Sting in the second semifinal of the US title tournament. Winner gets Scott Steiner.
• And Sting moves forward. The lone member of the Millionaires Club is in the final match. Of course.
• Kimberly looks goooood, yo.
• Two-thirds of 3 Count, Shannon Moore and Shane Helms, and their horrible, horrible song. This has to be one of the ten worst theme songs ever.
• Enter Prince Iaukea, Lash Leroux, Crowbar, and Juventud Guerrera. And Chris Candido. Cruiserweight title match. Sudden death. First fall gets the vacated title.
• Everybody kill everybody.
• A wild Daffney appears.
• A wild David Flair appears.
• A wild Paisley appears.
• A wild Tammy Lynn Sytch appears. Four run-ins in less than three minutes. And pushes the Prince off the top rope.
• Chris Candido, Tammy’s main squeeze, picks up the win.
• Tammy: the most complete female performer in wrestling history? REALLY? Even in 2000, I can’t buy that. I mean, at least Sable took a bump in her WWF run. Tammy didn’t. Not one.
• Paisley and Tammy: catfight!
• Shannon Moore and Charles Robinson pay a pretty hard price. Protect yourselves at all times.
• Tag title match: Team Package vs. Shane Douglas and Buff Bagwell. This, by the way, ill be the first time Douglas and Flair have been in a proper match together since Shane began his vendetta in the early 1990s.
• Buff Bagwell really asking for a Code of Honor?
• Flair still in his street clothes. Did he legitimately forget his ring gear or something?
• Ugly collision by Flair and Douglas.
• And Ric fails to complete the cartwheel.
• He finishes the second time. Only to get clotheslined from the apron.
• WOOOOOOOOOO!
• Wild Kronik appears.
• Fuck that finish.
• 12 matches in, and 10 had a run-in.
• Scott Steiner’s left arm vein is bigger than Sting’s arms. Ah, Steiner math.
• Steiner will face Sting in the United States Championship match. Both men are on their third match this evening.
• How does one not respect Sting? I mean, for reals?
• Vampiro? Da fuq?
• And Scott Steiner went full blast to that corner and may have knocked himself out. And to answer your question, Scott Hudson, no.
• Sting’s dead. Scott Steiner’s the new United States Champion. He’s now won ever belt to win in WCW (excluding the hardcore title) but the big one.
• That’s 11 of 13 that had a run-in. Add to the DQ earlier, and that’s one match that ended clean and decisive. I don’t expect that count to go up.
• And holy shit, Michael Buffer is NOT doing the introductions. I approve. Nothing against Buffer, but him doing it for damn near every Nitro and PPV (and the occasional Thunder) gets a little old pretty damn quick.
• Love the Wrestlemania XIV-esque walks from the locker room to the ring.
• The Big Bent Gold Belt at stake.
• A wild gray-haired Eric Bischoff appears.
• A wild Kimberly Page appears. Oh wait, she was at ringside already. Carry on.
• DDP with a Diamond Cutter on himself.
• And Jarrett with the title shot to the face.
• Not gonna lie: this match’s pretty good. Kinda overbooked, but pretty good.
• Of course Kimberly “El Kabong”s her hubby.
• Stroke, and Jeff Jarrett’s finally the champ of the world.

Boy, this PPV was both fun and frustrating. Fun because recent WCW PPVs at the time were anything but. The general consensus was that locker room morale was as good as it’s ever been in recent memory at the time of the show. But the two hours and 40 minutes show both what WCW could have been and what WCW really was in the Russo-Bischoff era. It was a mess. It was overbooked. And all too often, it didn’t make sense. But it was better than Uncensored.