Compliment Sandwich- WWE Magazine’s 15 Reasons Why WCW Nitro Failed

Right around time of RAW’s 15^th anniversary, WWE put out a special commemorative issue highlighting the best and worst of WWE’s signature show. This was a year and a half before The Rise and Fall of WCW (which I highly recommend you watch, regardless of how you feel about WWE’s spin of some events), but it was a good six years after RAW’s competition, WCW Monday Nitro, left the airwaves. And always willing to beat a dead horse, WWE had a list dedicated to the show that it beat down (even after Nitro had beaten RAW every week for a year and a half): 15 reasons why Nitro failed.

Now, as it is my job to put a positive spin on some of the worst of wrestling (and through the benefit of hindsight), I’ll (attempt) to put a positive spin on the reasons why Nitro failed.

(15) Tony Schiavone. Sorry, I can’t even say anything nice about the man who claimed every night “was the greatest night in the history of the sport”. He spent most of his career in NWA/JCP/WCW, but did have a cup of coffee in the WWF in 1989 and 1990. The tease of the Wrestlemania VI main event between Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior that happened at the Royal Rumble was voiced by him. Apparently, he cooked a lot of bridges in WCW, allegedly hiding finishes and angles from his co-commentators and being generally lazy. Also, according to Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, he was only allowed a brief statement on his friend/co-commentator Gorilla Monsoon following his passing, though Schiavone didn’t want any mention of it at all. I could see why Schiavone didn’t like the idea: he replaced—and was replaced—by Monsoon in the WWF broadcast booth. Monsoon was beloved. Still is, for that matter. When WCW went under, the WWF didn’t come calling for Tony. When TNA was a PPV promotion, Tony was kicked after just one week. Even commentator/editor-in-chief of the Camel Clutch Blog Eric Garigulo had not nice things to say about Tony:

“Interestingly enough, I did a show back in 2007 as an announcer which was taped for pay-per-view from San Francisco. I got the booking when Tony Schiavone canceled. It amazed me that anyone would pay this man a penny to call a match on their pay-per-view. I was more than happy to take his booking.”

And with that, Tony, we’re out of time. You can go straight to hell.

(14) nWo 2000. WCW can only take partial blame for why this contributed to Nitro’s failure. Let’s make this clear: the New World Order was one of the greatest contributions to wrestling ever. Ever. That’s not debatable. How long it should have stuck around is, and while everyone has an opinion, many are of the opinion that bringing the group back in late 1999 was a bad idea. And perhaps as an act of karma, nearly everyone involved with the angle suffered. Goldberg, their main adversary, injured his arm breaking a limousine window. Chris Benoit, also feuding with the group, left for the WWF. Bret Hart, the group’s leader, was concussed into early retirement. Jeff Jarrett and Kevin Nash also had to sit out with injuries. Just as quickly as the “band got back together”, they were broken up.

(13) Anti-American Jim Duggan. No. Just… no.

(12) Chavo Guerrero and Pepe. All things considered, Pepe was far and away not the worst thing to happen to Eddie Guerrero’s nephew. For your consideration, in no particular order, here are five things worse:

a.      Chavo Guerrero once lost his ECW title match to Kane in ten seconds at WrestleMania 24.

b.     Chavo Guerrero was once karate chopped by Bob Barker.

c.      Chavo Guerrero was once Jack Swagger’s “Soaring Eagle”.

d.     Chavo Guerrero was once Kerwin White.

e.     Chavo Guerrero was the last man to lose the WWE Cruiserweight Championship. The manhe it lost to: Hornswoggle.

(11) Vince Russo in the Popemobile. Vince Russo: WCW world heavyweight champion is a much more egregious offense.

(10) Matches in the Mall of America. Those matches in the Mall of America beat Monday Night RAW that week in the ratings. Scoreboard.

(9) Fingerpoke of Doom. This moment did far more damage to WCW than any of us realize up until the whole Arquette thing. Forget the fact that Tony Schiavone on orders of Eric Bischoff foolishly underestimated the appeal of Mick Foley. Forget the fact for a moment that they were giving away yet another potential money-making main event (Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan were leading the two nWo factions in WCW—and they were at war with one another). Forget the fact that just over a year earlier, the WWF did something similar. Forget the fact that ratings actually stayed relatively steady in the weeks following this. This moment was a big middle finger to every one in WCW not named Kevin Nash or Hulk Hogan, and a big “fuck you” to every fan of wrestling in general. This title change makes the Montreal Screwjob pretty damn defensible. And that shit’s hard to defend. Apparently, there is a conspiracy theory that Hogan and Nash were plotting this from when Goldberg won the title fromHogan six months earlier in the Georgia Dome. I kinda believe it. That’s what you get, WCW. You never deserved to catch the WWF after that. I will say one nice thing: it doesn’t belong at #9. It belongs much, much higher. Like... #2. 

(8) The Magnificent Seven. Clearly not learning from their mistakes, WCW put together yet another stable in the dying days: The Magnificent Seven. Here’s the group: world champion Scott Steiner, WCW on-screen CEO Ric Flair, Rick Steiner, Jeff Jarrett, Lex Luger, Buff Bagwell, and Road Warrior Animal. Would you take this group seriously? You put seven upper-midcarders against this group, and they’d smoke them. That’s a fact.

(7) “Crazy” Ric Flair. Forget for a moment that Ric Flair may be legitimately crazy these days. Ric Flair and mental hospital are two things that shouldn’t be in the same sentence. Ever. It made the idea of Ric Flair as Spartacus look genius.

(6) New Blood vs. Millionaires Club. This was WCW’s last serious effort to generate interest in their product. They retconned everything and started over in a major reboot. Risky, considering the reboot was on the Monday before a PPV. And for a few weeks, it worked. The roster was as energized as it was in a long time. But here’s what killed it: the booking. The Millionaire’s Club, perceived to be the ones holding the younger talent back, were the faces in the feud against the New Blood. From the April 10, 2000 reboot to Bash at the Beach that July, the WCW world title changed hands twelve times, six of them coming on Nitro. Though Billy Kidman was one of the main sparks of the feud, he actually came out worse for it in the end (thanks to Hulk Hogan). In fact, the only person to come out better for the feud was Booker T. And he spent most of the feud as GI Bro. Think about that. Oh, and Kimberly Page. She had the sense to quit.

(5) Steve “Mongo” McMichael. Steve was a member of the Super Bowl-winning Chicago Bears in 1985, one of the greatest football teams ever assembled. And that’s where the niceness ends. Mongo was a bad commentator, bad wrestler, and if it weren’t for Paul Roma, would be the worst Horseman ever. Yes, Mongo was bad, but he was far from the most offensive. Plus, Mongo once was married to this.

(4) Disco Inferno. Again, bad? Yes. But enjoyably bad. In fact, Disco was one of my personal favorites in WCW. He was a guy you’d love to hate. And he is still alive, if you’re wondering. Like Mongo, not WCW killer bad, but bad enough to not cross into the offensive line. You know, like…

(3) The One Warrior Nation. WCW, allegedly at the request of Hulk Hogan, paid a hefty sum (as much as $2 million American) to get the legit crazy Ultimate Warrior on their roster for one purpose: to get that win back from Wrestlemania VI. Forget for a moment that the match from Halloween Havoc 1998 is legitimately one of the worst in recorded history. The Warrior return nosedived from the moment he got on the microphone. He talked. And talked. And talked. And pretty much lull people to sleep. And if that didn’t do it, subsequent Nitros saw Warrior appear and disappear in a cloud of smoke and trap doors and mirrors, a la The Undertaker (in fact, one of those trap doors essentially ended Davey Boy Smith’s career). And if that didn’t turn you away, then Warrior turning nWo member Disciple (aka Hogan BFF Ed Leslie) into some sort of gay sex slave probably will. The Warrior era ended after just twelve weeks, and as he had an ironclad contract, was paid a hefty sum of money to stay home. Compared to other financial flops that would befall WCW, this was minor. But among critical flops, this is easily near the top of the list.

(2) Misfits inAction. This was the group of wrestlers that was left out in the cold from the New Blood-Millionaires Club angle. The only problem was the group (outside of Booker T) was largely a bunch of jobbers no one cared about. Except adult film star Tylene Buck, aka Major Gunns. She was hot. It’s hardly a reason why Nitro failed, much less #2.

(1) David Arquette. He appeared on just three episodes of Nitro, yet his appearances did irreparable damage. In his defense, it wasn’t his fault. Really, it wasn’t. In a production meeting, Tony Schiavone jokingly kicked around the idea that David Arquette (who was on Nitro and Thunder to promote the WCW movie Ready to Rumble) could be world champion. Leave it to Vince Russo (who once thought Tank Abbott should be world champion) to take the idea seriously. To his credit, David (himself a longtime wrestling fan) thought that this was not a good idea. It didn’t stop Vinnie Ru from doing it, and on an episode of Thunder…of THUNDER, David Arquette wins the title, killing any remaining credibility the world title, the one held by guys like Ric Flair, Sting, Vader, even Hulk fucking Hogan, once had. To quote a wrestling message board post in 2009, “if the Fingerpoke of Doom gushed blood out of the organs of WCW, then the Arquette title win shot the organization in the face with the elephant gun.” I’m pretty sure no one recovers from being shot in the face with an elephant gun (I can't speak to this as I've never been shot with an elephant gun, nor know anyone that has), and neither did WCW. Ready to Rumble flopped, WCW TV ratings flopped, Slamboree 2000, in which Arquette was defending the world title, flopped, and WCW’s checkbook flopped and faceplanted in the cement. Something good did come out of it though: Arquette sensibly donated his WCW earnings to the families of Brian Pillman and Darren Drozdov. 

Compliment Sandwich: Spring Stampede 2000

A thought most random: how far off from center is the Spring Stampede logo on the left? Everything else looks centered, or at least aligned that way. It's just odd.

The final Spring Stampede in WCW history took place on April 16, 2000 from the United Center in Chicago. There were five of these events, first in 1994, then for four consecutive years from 1997 to 2000. The last Spring Stampede was also the first PPV of the Russo-Bischoff booking regime. This was coming off the heels of an Uncensored PPV that left a taste so bad that the only way to wash it away was to blow it up and start over. Kevin Sullivan, who replaced Vince Russo in booking originally, was himself replaced by both Russo and Eric Bischoff, one of the key components of the rise of WCW to the world's top wrestling promotion in the late 1990s.

When WCW was starting over, they were starting over. All titles were vacated, any feuds to this point were thrown out, and the roster was basically divided between young talent, dubbed the New Blood, and established talent, dubbed the Millionaires Club. All this was done, by the way, on April 10, less than a week before the PPV. In less than a week, WCW would completely turn itself over. But would it be for the better?

Let's try and make nice with Spring Stampede 2000.

This video package literally could open a Nitro. But the PPV came first, so it opens the PPV.

• Speaking of video packages, it’s worth saying. Even in 2000, the WWF was the truth in putting stuff like this together.
• Literally the same set used for Nitro is being used for Spring Stampede. Good God, not even WWE with their HD set does this for PPVs. It makes your company look cheap. That shit grinds my gears.
• DQ rules are being relaxed tonight. They did that the previous Monday, and three matches that night ended in a DQ.
• 5:40 in, we finally have our first entrance. Tag team title qualifier with the Mamalukes (later known as FBI in WWE) versus Team Package (Ric Flair and Lex Luger).
• Flair’s fired up. I approve. And he’s coming in his evening gear.
• Team Package should not be coming out to Lex Luger’s music. Ric Flair’s on the team, his music gets played. That’s a fact.
• Never mind. Solo entrance for “The Total Package” aka “The Final Answer” Lex Luger. His music has a Millionaire vibe.
• WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
• And already, Iron Man Vince Russo.
• And the Harris Brothers. I guess they’re in the match too. A three-team qualifier.
• And at 10:55, we have our opening match. Way too long to get to match #1 of the PPV.
• Not even the commentators can make of what would happen if the Harrises win. That’s not a good sign.
• Flair never hits that top rope move. He did maybe twice in WWE.
• Somebody’s mad at Disco. Two guys take him away. I totally approve. He’s a waste of space.
• That clothesline by Johnny The Bull was pretty impressive. Took a bit long to set up though.
• Team Package wins via Human Torture Rack of Doom.
• We’re muting “Damn.” Really, WCW? This is PPV.
• A wild Bam Bam Bigelow appears.
• Mike Awesome beats on Bam Bam Bigelow for some reason.
• Mancow versus Jimmy Hart next. I’ll skip.
• Kidman beats down Jimmy Hart post-match. Shot in the direction of Hulk Hogan.
• The Wall versus Scott Steiner. This is the first quarterfinal in the US Championship Tournament. Seven matches on this show focus on this tournament. Scott Steiner coming out to the old Steiner Brothers music for some reason.
• 32:53. We have a disqualification. The Wall chokeslammed a referee through the table. Scott Steiner goes forward. So much for relaxing the DQ rule.
• A wild Bam Bam Bigelow appears.
• Mike Awesome making his in-ring WCW debut against Ernest Miller. Quarterfinal match in the WCW US title tournament.
• A wild Bam Bam Bigelow appears. He took Miller’s place—literally.
• Ernest Miller dances. Do not approve.
• Awesome kills Miller. Three-and-a-half-star frog splash. Drive home safely. Awesome wins.
• Shane Douglas and Buff Bagwell versus Harlem Heat in the second qualifying match for the tag titles. Oh wait… it’s Harlem Heat 2000. Stevie Ray and Fat Ahmed Johnson, who is fat. Fuck.
• Shane Douglas enters as Buff Bagwell’s video plays on the screen. Figure that out.
• Yeah, I’m gonna skip. Only have to jump about three minutes.
• Booker T vs. Sting in a quarterfinal match for the US title tournament.
• Oh wait…Booker. He somehow lost the rights to use the letter “T” in his name. Fuck this company.
• Sting’s Metallica theme was always awesome. That’s a fact.
• Holy shit, this match is the tits right now.
• Schiavone said that neither of these men were close to done. Less than a minute later, Sting wins with the Scorpion Deathdrop.
• Post-match fist pump out of respect.
• Vampiro versus Billy Kidman (with Torrie Wilson) in the last quarterfinal. Winner gets Sting.
• Holy shit, Vampiro nearly killed Kidman with that release powerbomb.
• Second powerbomb attempt fails. One does not simply powerbomb Kidman.
• Third attempt also fails. Vampiro has learned nothing.
• A wild Hollywood Hogan appears. Shit is about to get real.
• Hell, if you can collect a PPV bonus without wrestling a match, go for it.
• Guess we’re not calling a DQ for that.
• Hogan versus Kidman is the root of this Millionaires Club-New Blood feud. Something about a flea market.
• Punjabi Plunge to the announce table, and table didn’t budge an inch.
• Scoop slam fixes that though.
• Vampiro wins. He’s not gonna apologize for it.
• ERIC BISCHOFF, HULK HOGAN’S COMIN’ FOR YOU NIGGA!
• Angry Ho Kogan is looking to choke a bitch.
• Some of Chicago’s finest… oh shit. Shit’s getting too real. Somebody’s got a gun out. No bueno.
• Next match begins as Hogan is being carried out in cuffs.
• They’re all rats. Whole cafeteria’s a bunch of rats.
• Terry Funk versus Norman Smiley for the hardcore title. Norman’s about to get ass raped, yo.
• My… my diet soda.
• A wild Dustin Rhodes appears.
• Terry Funk wins and is hardcore champion. Of course.
• Not gonna lie. It was a fun match. Stupid fun, but fun.
• Russo wants Booker T to do him an egg. This, by the way, is the last time we see Booker tonight, so we never find out what that egg is.
• And speaking of doing people an egg, Scott Steiner takes on Mike Awesome in the first US title tournament semifinal.
• Cops used guns; they didn’t even get disqualified. What does that have to do with anything?
• A wild Kevin Nash appears. With a crutch. And he takes it to the back of Awesome.
• Actually, this would be the last time Booker appears. Vince Russo fires Dustin Rhodes. Meh. No big loss.
• Vampiro versus Sting in the second semifinal of the US title tournament. Winner gets Scott Steiner.
• And Sting moves forward. The lone member of the Millionaires Club is in the final match. Of course.
• Kimberly looks goooood, yo.
• Two-thirds of 3 Count, Shannon Moore and Shane Helms, and their horrible, horrible song. This has to be one of the ten worst theme songs ever.
• Enter Prince Iaukea, Lash Leroux, Crowbar, and Juventud Guerrera. And Chris Candido. Cruiserweight title match. Sudden death. First fall gets the vacated title.
• Everybody kill everybody.
• A wild Daffney appears.
• A wild David Flair appears.
• A wild Paisley appears.
• A wild Tammy Lynn Sytch appears. Four run-ins in less than three minutes. And pushes the Prince off the top rope.
• Chris Candido, Tammy’s main squeeze, picks up the win.
• Tammy: the most complete female performer in wrestling history? REALLY? Even in 2000, I can’t buy that. I mean, at least Sable took a bump in her WWF run. Tammy didn’t. Not one.
• Paisley and Tammy: catfight!
• Shannon Moore and Charles Robinson pay a pretty hard price. Protect yourselves at all times.
• Tag title match: Team Package vs. Shane Douglas and Buff Bagwell. This, by the way, ill be the first time Douglas and Flair have been in a proper match together since Shane began his vendetta in the early 1990s.
• Buff Bagwell really asking for a Code of Honor?
• Flair still in his street clothes. Did he legitimately forget his ring gear or something?
• Ugly collision by Flair and Douglas.
• And Ric fails to complete the cartwheel.
• He finishes the second time. Only to get clotheslined from the apron.
• WOOOOOOOOOO!
• Wild Kronik appears.
• Fuck that finish.
• 12 matches in, and 10 had a run-in.
• Scott Steiner’s left arm vein is bigger than Sting’s arms. Ah, Steiner math.
• Steiner will face Sting in the United States Championship match. Both men are on their third match this evening.
• How does one not respect Sting? I mean, for reals?
• Vampiro? Da fuq?
• And Scott Steiner went full blast to that corner and may have knocked himself out. And to answer your question, Scott Hudson, no.
• Sting’s dead. Scott Steiner’s the new United States Champion. He’s now won ever belt to win in WCW (excluding the hardcore title) but the big one.
• That’s 11 of 13 that had a run-in. Add to the DQ earlier, and that’s one match that ended clean and decisive. I don’t expect that count to go up.
• And holy shit, Michael Buffer is NOT doing the introductions. I approve. Nothing against Buffer, but him doing it for damn near every Nitro and PPV (and the occasional Thunder) gets a little old pretty damn quick.
• Love the Wrestlemania XIV-esque walks from the locker room to the ring.
• The Big Bent Gold Belt at stake.
• A wild gray-haired Eric Bischoff appears.
• A wild Kimberly Page appears. Oh wait, she was at ringside already. Carry on.
• DDP with a Diamond Cutter on himself.
• And Jarrett with the title shot to the face.
• Not gonna lie: this match’s pretty good. Kinda overbooked, but pretty good.
• Of course Kimberly “El Kabong”s her hubby.
• Stroke, and Jeff Jarrett’s finally the champ of the world.

Boy, this PPV was both fun and frustrating. Fun because recent WCW PPVs at the time were anything but. The general consensus was that locker room morale was as good as it’s ever been in recent memory at the time of the show. But the two hours and 40 minutes show both what WCW could have been and what WCW really was in the Russo-Bischoff era. It was a mess. It was overbooked. And all too often, it didn’t make sense. But it was better than Uncensored.