Compliment Sandwich: WCW Nitro 5/22/2000

Yesterday, I did a compliment sandwich on one of my favorite RAW is War episodes, the night-after Judgment Day 2000 episode of RAW. Not only it was the free TV debut of American Badass Undertaker, it was The Rock going off on the McMahon-Helmsley Regime after (a) being screwed out of the WWF Championship, and (b) being told that he was to be in a one-on-four handicap match.

Today, I serve the compliment sandwich to the Nitro offering from competing (in name only these days) WCW. The David Arquette era has ended, but the war between the Millionaires Club, WCW’s established—and most popular—superstars and the New Blood, talent that felt they weren’t given a fair shake, rages on. It’s been just over a month since WCW “started over”, and already the WCW World Heavyweight Championship has changed hands five times. Jeff Jarrett won the vacated title at Spring Stampede, loses it to Diamond Dallas Page a week and a day later, who then loses it to David Arquette without being pinned, who then loses it back to Jarrett in a three-tier cage match at Slamboree, who again lost it eight days later.

The champion heading into this Nitro: Ric Flair. THE Ric Flair, now on his sixth (or seventh if you count that time the title got vacated in 1994) reign as WCW champion. However, he ended the Thunder before this show struggling to stay upright as he did get injured. Classy WCW makes an angle out of it. Of course. Meanwhile, Sting and Vampiro continue their fiery feud (literally), Hulk Hogan made out with Torrie Wilson, and the New Blood is fighting each other, and the Filthy Animals walked on the group.

Sounds like the latest chapter in this saga may feature some New Blood on New Blood crime. Let’s find out as WCW presents Nitro from the Van Andel Arena in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

• A pair of limos arrives. Why’s Vince Russo with the WCW title? And why is sad Vince Russo sad? And why is sad Jeff Jarrett sad?
• And why is there a round cage hanging over the ring?
• We open with a match. A match! The Cat versus Booker T in a weapons match. Martial arts weapons are legal.
• Awful martial arts by The Cat.
• The Cat at the time was training Eric Bischoff’s then-16-year old son Garret. I think that explains everything right there.
• A reminder of the “relaxed DQ rules”.
• Slick Johnson is your referee. I fucking hate Slick Johnson.
• Booker with a Rock Bottom. From out of nowhere.
• A wild Shawn Stasiak appears. Axe kick and chair to the back of the head takes care of Meat, but…
• A cartwheel kick puts down the Bookerman at 4:49. This, by the way, is the longest
• Misfits in Action with Major Gunns bringing up the rear.
• Three corner splashes, then Stasiak pulls out Cat. Charming.
• A wild Eric Bischoff appears. With Kimberly Page.
• Kimberly Page looks AMAZEBALLS.
• Asshole chants. And random mutes. Fucking WCW.
• Eric Bischoff played the sleazy heel about as good as anyone can.
• Bischoff offering the olive branch to MIA to join the New Blood. MIA’s response: kiss our ass, complete with Major Gunns (real name: Tylene Buck) pulling down her shorts and mooning the New Blood.
• Late-to-work Kevin Nash is a gimmick. Who knew?
• Booker T has been fired. Again. That’s twice since the reboot Booker T got fired.
• Sad Vince Russo is still sad. Mock Ric Flair funeral later.
• Terry Taylor with Reid Flair. Show of hands that 13 years later, you had only Terry Taylor still alive. Damn.
• Speaking of Terry, Terry Funk is set to retire tonight. Terry Funk retiring: one of wrestling’s most enduring gimmicks.
• Daffney versus Crowbar for the undisputed WCW Cruiserweight Championship is on deck. Daffney’s the champion (the second woman to win the belt in six months, BTW after Madusa won it at Starrcade 1999), but Crowbar’s got possession of the belt.
• Dare I say it: normal-sounding Daffney’s kinda hot.
• Thumb wrestling, then rock-paper-scissors. And then wrestling
• A wild Miss Hancock appears. Miss Hancock was formerly Nitro Girl Skye, real name Stacy Keibler.
• Daffney with a Frankenscreamer, but only gets two.
• Crowbar is confused.
• A wild Chris Candido appears with Tammy.
• ANARCHY! ANARCHY!
• Fire thunder driver by Candido to Crowbar, and that’ll do it for Crowbar. Daffney checks on Crowbar, but Mickey Jay counts the fall and Daffney’s the one and only Cruiserweight Champion at 3:02. Seemed a lot longer than that.
• Meanwhile, Torrie gives Horace a backrub. Because why not.
• The Bookerman’s got plans for next week. Meanwhile Norman Smiley and Ralphus are washing cars for a buck.
• Kidman wants Horace. Me thinks he knows now.
• Kidman versus Horace, apparently with Torrie Wilson as guest referee is off and running.
• Hogan versus Kidman announced for Great American Bash. Hogan wins, he gets a world title match. Hogan loses, he’s retired.
• Horace with table. Torrie’s gonna let it go.
• Torrie is not on the line, apparently. If you say so, Eric.
• A wild Terry Bollea appears.
• Kidman reverses a Horace Hogan powerbomb. One does not simply powerbomb Kidman.
• Horace on table, and Ho Kogan beals Kidman off the top rope through the table that Horace lays on.
• Hulk Hogan forces Torrie to count, and Kidman wins at 4:05, though the official result is a no contest.
• More Ric Flair mock funeralness. Complete with absurdly big nose.
• WCW Hardcore Champion Terry Funk with tuxedo and cowboy boots. Apparently, his announcement is most major. Retirement, perhaps?
• Terry’s daughter Brandi is in the front row.
• If it is a retirement, it’s an excuse to put this in. Terry Funk’s first attempt to retire, way back in 1983. Terry Funk’s wrestling career: Then. Now. Forever.
• A wild Shane Douglas appears, and wants Funk to speed it along.
• Funk’s announcement: it’s a boy. He’s gonna be a grandpa. Congrats, Terry.
• Funk’s another announcement: June 1, he’s done. Brad Siegel shed a tear.
• June 1, 2001. One more year. WCW didn’t survive one more year, but Terry’s wrestling career did.
• Shane Douglas does not seem amused, and the New Blood is beating on Terry, while Funk’s daughter Brandi watches.
• Piledriver on the chair, and that’ll do it for Terry.
• And a DDT on the chair on top of it.
• And a spike piledriver. This is officially fucked up.
• Shane Douglas takes possession of the hardcore championship belt, as a stretcher awaits outside.
• Major Stash appears and he swaps buckets.
• Yes, WCW is still paying Kanyon, dumbass.
• Tony Schiavone with the Billy Madison blast.
• Ok, remember when I said Terry Funk getting dropped on his head while his daughter watches was fucked up? I take that back. Mike Awesome in a wheelchair and halo mocking Chris Kanyon is fucked up. As long as the check clears, I guess.
• Mike “The Career Killer” Awesome versus The Wall in an Ambulance versus Tables match. First person to put his opponent through a table or stuff said opponent in an ambulance and shut the door wins.
• Mike Awesome backdrops The Wall through the table. Awesome wins in just 85 seconds. This is the first match tonight to not have an in-match run-in.
• But Wall’s up. And he’s pissed.
• A wild Shane Douglas appears with lead pipe.
• A wild Diamond Dallas Page appears from the back of the ambulance, where Mike Awesome gets tossed.
• Meanwhile, The Wall is killing Shane Douglas dead.
• Literally.
• New Blood as pallbearers carrying the “coffin of Ric Flair’s career”. Big production goof: Mike Awesome and Shane Douglas appear. That’s sloppy, yo. If it said “earlier” or “earlier today”, it would be all good.
• And the Filthy Animals’ car just got a white coat of paint.
• Ok, remember when I said that whole Terry Funk and Mike Awesome thing was fucked up? This is fucked up: the “death of the career of Ric Flair”.
• Flair collapsing turned into an angle. Fucking-A, man.
• Russo sucks. And three and a half months later, he really will have the WCW world title.
• But for now, Ric Flair’s stripped of the title, and Jeff Jarrett’s got the title. Again. Third time in five weeks he’s champion. I don’t even think The Rock got to three that quick.
• A wild Kevin Nash appears from in the casket. And Nash cleans house.
• Kevin Nash has possession of the world title belt. I’m not gonna get it.
• Pamela Paulshock with a pissed-off Russo. Nash is given 45 minutes to give the belt back to Jarrett, or they’ll take it by force, no holds barred.
• Two cheerleaders appear. Then Shikira. Then Scott Steiner, WCW United States Champion. He’s from Michigan, isn’t he?
• Apparently Scott Steiner had quite the time at Michigan.
• Apparently, Scott now travels with an “asylum” now, a circular cage. Two men enter, exit occurs only when someone quits.
• Rick Steiner versus his younger brother Scott in an Asylum match for the WCW United States Championship. A domed roof, and yeah. No way out. Rick realizes the gravity of the situation.
• Tank Abbott with bolt cutters and R&B Security.
• Tankberg. Really? Really?
• Bolt cutters didn’t work, but Tank popped Mickey Jay, and he’s got the controls, and it’s two-on-one.
• A wild Kevin Nash appears, with world title belt in hand. Title shots to Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott. Match is a no contest at 3:34.
• New interviewer Pamela Paulshock with Kevin Nash. Nash seems to approve of new interviewer Pamela. Anyways, Kevin makes a match. Jeff Jarrett versus Kevin Nash, winner gets the belt.
• Chuck Palumbo with R&B Security and Miss Elizabeth versus Diamond Dallas Page on deck. The R&B security guards here: Allen Funk, best known as Kwee Wee (and later Bruce in TNA) before Turner S&P killed that character, and “Above Average” Mike Sanders.
• Liz cracks five across Chuck’s face, and DDP nearly takes advantage.
• A wild Kimberly Page appears. With bat. And Kimberly with the bat to the back of Liz. Wow. That’s fucked up.
• A wild Mike Awesome appears with halo.
• Page brained with the halo, and the Torture Rack ends Page’s night at 2:58.
• Lex Luger checks on Elizabeth, and he’s in a bit of a dilemma. Help DDP or help Liz.
• Kimberly trips Lex just enough to get Luger popped in the face by Palumbo with a flexor thingie. Stretcher for Lex.
• Yup, it’s bad. Get him in the ambulance, already. Fuck.
• Kimberly blames Liz. Kim looks amazingly hot though.
• Terry Taylor with Reid Flair. Fuck, this is depressing to watch in hindsight.
• David Flair and a wild Daffney appear with one of them Bruiser Buddy thingies.
• Reid's pouring out his heart, and Terry Taylor got blasted with a figurine.
• Reid Flair with a double leg takedown. Two points, right?
• Well, now it's uncomfortable. David gutshots Reid, piefaces him, and now puts him in the figure four. Fuck, something's not right in this world if David Flair's allowed to walk the Earth and Reid's not.
• I know, Schiavone. What the fuck are you doing? You're making it real easy for people to not like you, WCW.
• And they're showing the replay. What. The. Fuck.
• Vampiro (with can of kerosene and blowtorch) takes on FUNB Hogan. 
• Sting versus Vampiro in a human torch match announced for the Great American Bash. Match continues until someone burns. What the fuck were they thinking?
• Vampiro gets the jump on Hogan.
• Clusterfinishes? Not in WCW? Remember this. Quiz later.
• How does Hogan handle all these challenges? Creative control, my dude. Creative control.
• Big boot and leg drop, but Hogan does not go for the cover. Wonder if it'll come back to bite him.
• A wild Billy Kidman appears and beans Hogan with the torch in the back. Vampiro takes advantage and gets the pin at 4:45.
• Sting appears and saves Hogan's ass.
• And Sting and Hogan whips on Vampiro.
• Filthy Animals no like the new paint. Wild Misfits in Action appear. Norman Smiley runs like hell. Ralphus is down. Paging Miss Gunns.
• Hustle, Miss Gunns. It's Ralphus, who slips her the tongue. You magnificent bastard.
• Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash for the vacated WCW World Heavyweight Championship. Nash has possession of the belt, and will only give it back on the condition that he's beaten in a match.
• For the third Nitro in a row, a world title match is the main event. 
• A wild Vince Russo appears with R&B Security.
• And he's the referee as Billy Silverman gets wiped out.
• I guess it's falls count anywhere. Not that it matters, since Russo won't give Nash a fair shake.
• Nash peppersprayed by Russo and stroked by Jarrett. Steiner's music played for a second for some reason, then stops.
• Then it plays again, and out comes Steiner. And he gets maced too. And handcuffed.
• Nash's had enough of their shit.
• Swing and a miss on the bloodbath as Nash was about to plant Russo with a powerbomb.
• Jarrett with the acoustic, and he wins the WCW world title for the third time in just 4:39. 
• Bischoff, Russo, and Double J brag, and scene.

The Hidden Good in WCW Halloween Havoc 1998

For about two years, WCW was on top of world: record television ratings, record revenue, record attendance. Combining the perfect storm of a once-in-a-lifetime storyline in the New World Order and smaller-sized wrestlers performing feats of athleticism rarely seen in a wrestling ring in the United States, World Championship Wrestling did what no other promotion was able to do: topple the World Wrestling Federation. In fact, for half of 1996 and all of 1997, Nitro, WCW’s Monday night offering, had beaten RAW, WWF’s Monday night show, in the ratings every week.

By the time Halloween Havoc arrived in October 1998, the 84-week streak had long ended (it ended in April when a teased Stone Cold Steve Austin-Vince McMahon world title match ended the run). The two programs spent the spring and summer jockeying for position as the go-to wrestling show on Monday. In the early summer, RAW, which had been closing the gap since the run-up to Wrestlemania XIV, gained victories, albeit narrow ones, over Nitro. The tide turned once again in August and September on the large shoulders of the Ultimate Warrior’s early appearances in WCW. It flipped to the WWF for the remainder of its head to head battle in October, save for one Monday night.

That night was the night following Halloween Havoc, when WCW forced to re-air the PPV’s main event between Bill Goldberg and Diamond Dallas Page for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship. Why so? The PPV, usually scheduled for three hours, went three and a half hours. Though WCW brass convinced some cable providers to clear the time, most did not—or could not, as many had to drop the broadcast at 11pm ET. The company was also forced to issue millions of dollars in refunds.

There were twelve matches on the supercard, though only nine were shown on the home video release (Wrath versus Meng, Alex Wright versus Fit Finlay, and Saturn versus Lodi were all cut out of the home version). The show is famous—or infamous—for the Hulk Hogan-Ultimate Warrior rematch from Wrestlemania VI. While their WWF match was meticulously worked out in detail to hide their glaring weaknesses, their WCW encounter…well… I’ll let others do the talking for me.

KB’s Wrestling Reviews: 

F. This is one of those matches that the best explanation as to why it sucks is to say “did you watch the match?” Neither guy was capable of putting on a decent match to save their lives at this point so they gave them fifteen minutes on PPV. The ending was bad, the big spot of the match was bad, the whole thing was bad. I don’t know who besides Hogan thought this was a good idea, but they need to be shot otherwise. This was an atrocious match and definitely one of the biggest bombs I’ve ever seen.

Jack Bramma of 411mania: 

…one of the worst matches of all time. This match proves a lot of things but first and foremost, Pat Patterson is a genius and never let it be doubted. Hogan is such a lazy heel during this period and this match that it's pathetic. He coasts so much on personality and promos (even if they are good) that it's sickening. Of course, Warrior had no idea what he was doing either and at several moments just openly stood around having no clue what to do next. And Nick Patrick was another in the line of sacrificial refs left to look incompetent because of unmotivated horseshit by the workers. I'm not going the negative full monty because I can imagine a worse match than this, I just hope I never see it. -****.

Jack didn’t, but Dave Meltzer of Wrestling Observer Newsletter did. It’s one of just four matches Dave gives the “minus five stars” treatment.

Mr. Socko’s Pro Wrestling Review: 

The phrase train-wreck gets banded around far too often these days, but if you were looking for a match to show wrestlers how not to do it, this would be it. To pick the worst moment is almost impossible, simply because there are so many. Was it when Hogan tried to throw a fireball in Warriors face, only to see the lit bit of cloth harmlessly fall to the ground? Was it the fact that you see about 3 moves and that most of the match was made up of Hogan and Warrior holding hands? Is it when Hogan says: "I'm killing you!" and Warrior responds: "You're killing me!"? What about when Hogan trips over the ref? Or perhaps it was the fact that this piece of shit would be Warrior's final match in WCW?

This was far from the worst show WCW put on. But in a company where virtually all its top talent skewed older (while their biggest competition the WWF skewed younger—in fact, the following month, they would put their world title on a 26-year old Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, at the time, the youngest world champion in its company’s history) and had creative control written into their contracts, two nWo factions, a slew of talent desperately looking to crack the glass ceiling, and a popular world champion booked in the undercard, this show was perhaps the most glaring sign to date that WCW had problems that money alone wasn’t going to cover up.

The good news: at least Goldberg versus Diamond Dallas Page was good.

Here’s what is and what isn’t worth your time. If the link’s in bold, watch it. If it’s not in bold, watch at your own risk.

• After the opening video package (here is where you appreciate WWF’s superior production: anyone with a little knowledge in video editing programs could put it together in a couple hours), we get the PPV debut of the Nitro Girls. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Nitro Girls. But this is PPV. Time is money.
• The segment following is a Rick Steiner interview featuring Buff Bagwell.
• Chris Jericho versus Raven for the WCW television title is probably the second best match on the card. Chris Jericho equals buyrates and butts in seats are both true (as evidenced by his runs in the WWF/E). Chris Jericho equals rock and roll is debatable. But the match is good and the crowd is white hot and loud. Also loud, the entrance music. So loud, in fact, you can’t hear the commentators during Raven’s entrance.
• Following a Hollywood Hogan promo (are we watching Nitro or a PPV?), we get Meng vs. Wrath. (Wrath wins in about four and a half minutes. It’s Worldwide quality.) Well, if you were watching this on PPV, you would. For everyone else, Disco Inferno versus Juventud Guerrera in a #1 contender’s match for the cruiserweight title was next. It’s a pretty decent bout, though it’s also something that could have been done on Thunder or Nitro to prevent one of these guys from going twice in one night.
• Now would be a good time to point out that Dean Malenko, Chris Benoit, and Eddie Guerrero all are not on this show.
• More Nitro Girls (good, but again, PPV people), then a segment with Scott Steiner, The Giant and JJ Dillon. That combined is about six lost minutes.
• Actually, about sixteen minutes if you count the Alex Wright-Fit Finlay match and Saturn vs. Lodi match that didn’t make the home video release.
• But a third (and final) appearance by the Nitro Girls did. So I guess that’s about 18 minutes that could have been used for something else…like a better match.
• And since we’re not, it looked as if Disco had virtually no rest at all as the cruiserweight title match between Disco and Billy Kidman is up. It’s an okay match. It doesn’t exactly set the world on fire.
• Also not setting the world on fire: the 2,454^th playing of Konnan’s music video which, thankfully, is cut from the home video release.
• Not cut from the release however, is the tag title match between Scott Steiner and The Giant and Rick Steiner and the returning Buff Bagwell. Steiner claimed his partner Scott Hall was injured (he’s not; he wrestles later), so The Giant subs in. Per the pre-match stipulation, if Steiner and Bagwell win, then not only they get the belts, but Rick vs. Scott is on. Oh, and Bagwell turns on Rick. Again. My head hurts from typing all that. Worth note, The Giant does a top rope missile dropkick. Of course, Steiner wins the belts by himself. He am the tag team champions.
• And as promised, though Scott tried to bail, we get some Steiner on Steiner violence. Bret Hart versus Owen Hart this is not. Oh, and Buff Bagwell in a Clinton mask.
• Scott Hall versus Kevin Nash should have been far better than what they delivered. Scott Hall played drunk and drugged on TV (and was drunk and drugged off it—still is more than a decade later, though he’s trying to get himself cleaned up with help from Diamond Dallas Page). The ending would drive anyone into complete rage (two powerbombs by Nash followed by a countout loss).
• Whoops: here’s your last appearance by the Nitro Girls tonight. In colored wigs, no less.
• Also in the “should have been better than what they delivered” category: Bret Hart versus Sting for the WCW United States Championship. Even Bret Hart hated it. That alone should tell you how bad this match was. Oh, and there’s the stretcher job for Sting post-match that eats some time.
• I’ve given the bold to Hulk Hogan versus Warrior for one reason: this is an all-time train wreck that it’s hard to look away from. For many people watching on the original broadcast, this was the last match they saw, and they didn’t even see the whole thing. See, because of all the time wasted (four Nitro Girls performances, three matches that belonged on Worldwide or Saturday Night, two long promo segments in the first half hour, and a music video), WCW ran over on their own PPV and lost millions in revenue because of it. And the crazy thing was they didn’t have to. WCW had no one to blame but themselves.
• Shame really because Goldberg versus Diamond Dallas Page for the WCW world title was the tits, bro. The good news is we all got to see it—for free—21 hours after the fact. Easily in the top 5% of Goldberg matches ever. 

There was so much right and wrong with WCW. On this night, a whole lot of that wrong was on display to produce an event that was a critical, financial, and a public relations disaster. They had the tools to fix the problems, but they never quite put them to use efficiently.

Compliment Sandwich: Spring Stampede 2000

A thought most random: how far off from center is the Spring Stampede logo on the left? Everything else looks centered, or at least aligned that way. It's just odd.

The final Spring Stampede in WCW history took place on April 16, 2000 from the United Center in Chicago. There were five of these events, first in 1994, then for four consecutive years from 1997 to 2000. The last Spring Stampede was also the first PPV of the Russo-Bischoff booking regime. This was coming off the heels of an Uncensored PPV that left a taste so bad that the only way to wash it away was to blow it up and start over. Kevin Sullivan, who replaced Vince Russo in booking originally, was himself replaced by both Russo and Eric Bischoff, one of the key components of the rise of WCW to the world's top wrestling promotion in the late 1990s.

When WCW was starting over, they were starting over. All titles were vacated, any feuds to this point were thrown out, and the roster was basically divided between young talent, dubbed the New Blood, and established talent, dubbed the Millionaires Club. All this was done, by the way, on April 10, less than a week before the PPV. In less than a week, WCW would completely turn itself over. But would it be for the better?

Let's try and make nice with Spring Stampede 2000.

This video package literally could open a Nitro. But the PPV came first, so it opens the PPV.

• Speaking of video packages, it’s worth saying. Even in 2000, the WWF was the truth in putting stuff like this together.
• Literally the same set used for Nitro is being used for Spring Stampede. Good God, not even WWE with their HD set does this for PPVs. It makes your company look cheap. That shit grinds my gears.
• DQ rules are being relaxed tonight. They did that the previous Monday, and three matches that night ended in a DQ.
• 5:40 in, we finally have our first entrance. Tag team title qualifier with the Mamalukes (later known as FBI in WWE) versus Team Package (Ric Flair and Lex Luger).
• Flair’s fired up. I approve. And he’s coming in his evening gear.
• Team Package should not be coming out to Lex Luger’s music. Ric Flair’s on the team, his music gets played. That’s a fact.
• Never mind. Solo entrance for “The Total Package” aka “The Final Answer” Lex Luger. His music has a Millionaire vibe.
• WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
• And already, Iron Man Vince Russo.
• And the Harris Brothers. I guess they’re in the match too. A three-team qualifier.
• And at 10:55, we have our opening match. Way too long to get to match #1 of the PPV.
• Not even the commentators can make of what would happen if the Harrises win. That’s not a good sign.
• Flair never hits that top rope move. He did maybe twice in WWE.
• Somebody’s mad at Disco. Two guys take him away. I totally approve. He’s a waste of space.
• That clothesline by Johnny The Bull was pretty impressive. Took a bit long to set up though.
• Team Package wins via Human Torture Rack of Doom.
• We’re muting “Damn.” Really, WCW? This is PPV.
• A wild Bam Bam Bigelow appears.
• Mike Awesome beats on Bam Bam Bigelow for some reason.
• Mancow versus Jimmy Hart next. I’ll skip.
• Kidman beats down Jimmy Hart post-match. Shot in the direction of Hulk Hogan.
• The Wall versus Scott Steiner. This is the first quarterfinal in the US Championship Tournament. Seven matches on this show focus on this tournament. Scott Steiner coming out to the old Steiner Brothers music for some reason.
• 32:53. We have a disqualification. The Wall chokeslammed a referee through the table. Scott Steiner goes forward. So much for relaxing the DQ rule.
• A wild Bam Bam Bigelow appears.
• Mike Awesome making his in-ring WCW debut against Ernest Miller. Quarterfinal match in the WCW US title tournament.
• A wild Bam Bam Bigelow appears. He took Miller’s place—literally.
• Ernest Miller dances. Do not approve.
• Awesome kills Miller. Three-and-a-half-star frog splash. Drive home safely. Awesome wins.
• Shane Douglas and Buff Bagwell versus Harlem Heat in the second qualifying match for the tag titles. Oh wait… it’s Harlem Heat 2000. Stevie Ray and Fat Ahmed Johnson, who is fat. Fuck.
• Shane Douglas enters as Buff Bagwell’s video plays on the screen. Figure that out.
• Yeah, I’m gonna skip. Only have to jump about three minutes.
• Booker T vs. Sting in a quarterfinal match for the US title tournament.
• Oh wait…Booker. He somehow lost the rights to use the letter “T” in his name. Fuck this company.
• Sting’s Metallica theme was always awesome. That’s a fact.
• Holy shit, this match is the tits right now.
• Schiavone said that neither of these men were close to done. Less than a minute later, Sting wins with the Scorpion Deathdrop.
• Post-match fist pump out of respect.
• Vampiro versus Billy Kidman (with Torrie Wilson) in the last quarterfinal. Winner gets Sting.
• Holy shit, Vampiro nearly killed Kidman with that release powerbomb.
• Second powerbomb attempt fails. One does not simply powerbomb Kidman.
• Third attempt also fails. Vampiro has learned nothing.
• A wild Hollywood Hogan appears. Shit is about to get real.
• Hell, if you can collect a PPV bonus without wrestling a match, go for it.
• Guess we’re not calling a DQ for that.
• Hogan versus Kidman is the root of this Millionaires Club-New Blood feud. Something about a flea market.
• Punjabi Plunge to the announce table, and table didn’t budge an inch.
• Scoop slam fixes that though.
• Vampiro wins. He’s not gonna apologize for it.
• ERIC BISCHOFF, HULK HOGAN’S COMIN’ FOR YOU NIGGA!
• Angry Ho Kogan is looking to choke a bitch.
• Some of Chicago’s finest… oh shit. Shit’s getting too real. Somebody’s got a gun out. No bueno.
• Next match begins as Hogan is being carried out in cuffs.
• They’re all rats. Whole cafeteria’s a bunch of rats.
• Terry Funk versus Norman Smiley for the hardcore title. Norman’s about to get ass raped, yo.
• My… my diet soda.
• A wild Dustin Rhodes appears.
• Terry Funk wins and is hardcore champion. Of course.
• Not gonna lie. It was a fun match. Stupid fun, but fun.
• Russo wants Booker T to do him an egg. This, by the way, is the last time we see Booker tonight, so we never find out what that egg is.
• And speaking of doing people an egg, Scott Steiner takes on Mike Awesome in the first US title tournament semifinal.
• Cops used guns; they didn’t even get disqualified. What does that have to do with anything?
• A wild Kevin Nash appears. With a crutch. And he takes it to the back of Awesome.
• Actually, this would be the last time Booker appears. Vince Russo fires Dustin Rhodes. Meh. No big loss.
• Vampiro versus Sting in the second semifinal of the US title tournament. Winner gets Scott Steiner.
• And Sting moves forward. The lone member of the Millionaires Club is in the final match. Of course.
• Kimberly looks goooood, yo.
• Two-thirds of 3 Count, Shannon Moore and Shane Helms, and their horrible, horrible song. This has to be one of the ten worst theme songs ever.
• Enter Prince Iaukea, Lash Leroux, Crowbar, and Juventud Guerrera. And Chris Candido. Cruiserweight title match. Sudden death. First fall gets the vacated title.
• Everybody kill everybody.
• A wild Daffney appears.
• A wild David Flair appears.
• A wild Paisley appears.
• A wild Tammy Lynn Sytch appears. Four run-ins in less than three minutes. And pushes the Prince off the top rope.
• Chris Candido, Tammy’s main squeeze, picks up the win.
• Tammy: the most complete female performer in wrestling history? REALLY? Even in 2000, I can’t buy that. I mean, at least Sable took a bump in her WWF run. Tammy didn’t. Not one.
• Paisley and Tammy: catfight!
• Shannon Moore and Charles Robinson pay a pretty hard price. Protect yourselves at all times.
• Tag title match: Team Package vs. Shane Douglas and Buff Bagwell. This, by the way, ill be the first time Douglas and Flair have been in a proper match together since Shane began his vendetta in the early 1990s.
• Buff Bagwell really asking for a Code of Honor?
• Flair still in his street clothes. Did he legitimately forget his ring gear or something?
• Ugly collision by Flair and Douglas.
• And Ric fails to complete the cartwheel.
• He finishes the second time. Only to get clotheslined from the apron.
• WOOOOOOOOOO!
• Wild Kronik appears.
• Fuck that finish.
• 12 matches in, and 10 had a run-in.
• Scott Steiner’s left arm vein is bigger than Sting’s arms. Ah, Steiner math.
• Steiner will face Sting in the United States Championship match. Both men are on their third match this evening.
• How does one not respect Sting? I mean, for reals?
• Vampiro? Da fuq?
• And Scott Steiner went full blast to that corner and may have knocked himself out. And to answer your question, Scott Hudson, no.
• Sting’s dead. Scott Steiner’s the new United States Champion. He’s now won ever belt to win in WCW (excluding the hardcore title) but the big one.
• That’s 11 of 13 that had a run-in. Add to the DQ earlier, and that’s one match that ended clean and decisive. I don’t expect that count to go up.
• And holy shit, Michael Buffer is NOT doing the introductions. I approve. Nothing against Buffer, but him doing it for damn near every Nitro and PPV (and the occasional Thunder) gets a little old pretty damn quick.
• Love the Wrestlemania XIV-esque walks from the locker room to the ring.
• The Big Bent Gold Belt at stake.
• A wild gray-haired Eric Bischoff appears.
• A wild Kimberly Page appears. Oh wait, she was at ringside already. Carry on.
• DDP with a Diamond Cutter on himself.
• And Jarrett with the title shot to the face.
• Not gonna lie: this match’s pretty good. Kinda overbooked, but pretty good.
• Of course Kimberly “El Kabong”s her hubby.
• Stroke, and Jeff Jarrett’s finally the champ of the world.

Boy, this PPV was both fun and frustrating. Fun because recent WCW PPVs at the time were anything but. The general consensus was that locker room morale was as good as it’s ever been in recent memory at the time of the show. But the two hours and 40 minutes show both what WCW could have been and what WCW really was in the Russo-Bischoff era. It was a mess. It was overbooked. And all too often, it didn’t make sense. But it was better than Uncensored.

Spring Stampede 2000: A Live Ctrl+Alt+Del Exercise

In early spring 2000, the WWF was pretty much getting its act together. Though the Attitude was still there from the past couple years, much of its over-the-top controversy that got them over them hump against WCW was gone. In its place were storylines that made more logical sense and better in-ring action. They were coming off a good, but not great Wrestlemania that had a result that shocked everyone: Triple H, the top heel and WWF Champion, won the main event match. He was the first WWF Champion to successfully defend since his friend Kevin “Diesel” Nash did so at Wrestlemania XI, and the first heel to win the main event match of the signature show (sorry, Yokozuna, you don’t count). Though they were not doing the record numbers in ratings from the previous year, they were firmly entrenched as the top wrestling promotion in North America.

WCW in spring 2000: not so much. Six months earlier in a major coup, WCW brought in Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara to turn the company around. This was following the firing of Eric Bischoff, the man overseeing the rise and subsequent fall of WCW. The Russo-Ferrara regime ruffled many feathers in WCW, and after just three months, they were sent away in favor of a booking committee headed by Kevin Sullivan. That proved to be the final straw for a number of wrestlers, notably Chris Benoit, Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko, and Eddie Guerrero. Not even putting the world title on Benoit could sooth the situation, and the quartet left for the WWF. Inexplicably, the Sullivan booking committee left WCW in a worse condition than Russo and Ferrara, and after just three months, both Russo and Bischoff were called back to fix a broken WCW. Their solution: blow it up following their annual Spring Break show and start over on April 10. On that night, everyone holding a championship at the time were stripped of it and had to win it back in a match or a tournament. The night also set the course of WCW over the spring and early summer: two warring factions, one, a group of established veterans known as the “Millionaires Club”; the other, a group of talent pushed aside for said veterans in the “New Blood”.

Less than a week later, we get the first PPV of this angle and of the Russo-Bischoff era, Spring Stampede. Eminating from the United Center in Chicago, the night mainly served as a purpose to crown all new champions. There were fourteen matches on the card, five more than Wrestlemania 2000 which took place two weeks earlier (and ran a few minutes longer than Spring Stampede). Ten of the matches were tournament matches to crown tag team and United States champions (seven of the fourteen matches involve the US title alone), while the world title match main event was a final from the tournament that took place during that week. The cruiserweight and hardcore titles were one-off matches to determine a new champion. And for some reason, Mancow wrestled. Yeah.

So, is it bad? Let’s find out.

From Unchained Entertainment: 

Spring Stampede is by FAR the best WCW PPV of 2000 thus far. It still has a lot of flaws though. 

I guess that’s high praise considering what came before it.

Arnold Furious of 411mania, what say you? 

Surprisingly refreshing after a dearth of horrible bottom feeding PPV’s. Of course compared to good shows this still isn’t up to much.

Okay, it’s… it’s promising. Scott Keith?

Still, the show was entertaining enough for a thumbs in the middle, but that’s under the “throw enough shit at the wall and eventually something sticks” theory of booking, and I can’t foresee them maintaining that frenetic pace for long without the fans getting tired of it. Well, better this than Sullivan or Nash, I guess.

KB’s Wrestling Reviews: 

D. If you’re a fan of tournaments, RUN out and find a copy of this show because it’s all your fantasies come true. Otherwise, it’s three hours of sloppy brawling in place of wrestling and a total of maybe two watchable matches out of 13. This was a nothing show and shows the problems of rebooting the freaking company six days before a PPV. Not a fan of this at all as the company was on the verge of its final downward spiral due to Russo booking the company so far into the ground it couldn’t see the light of day. Bad show due to the booking being WAY too overdone.

DDT Digest:

Wow! I hope I'm not exaggerating too much (as I've been known to do), but since I've been covering WCW pay-per-views for Bill, this was by far the best. There was not a stinker match in the bunch. Even the ones that had the potential to suck, like the Funk-Smiley and the match were great. Even the Mancow-Jimmy Hart match was well done and pretty funny. Mike Awesome was simply incredible in his WCW debut. Hogan actually did something I liked. Tammy Sytch showed up. Tony Schiavone said "bulls-t." Overall, the show was fast-paced, as were the matches, and I haven't seen the "Millionaires' Club" work their butt off like this in a long time. The thing that fired me up most is that it looks like they're setting up Booker for a huge run. The only weird thing was the whole Vampiro/Sting thing. It was interesting, but weird. This one will be hard to follow up tomorrow night. One thing's for sure, I wanna see Nitro tomorrow night, and that's the first time I can honestly say that in a long time.

Wow. We’re all over the place with this one. Guess I gotta see the carnage for myself. Can a wrestling company start over and put together a decent PPV in a single week? Can I say nice things about said PPV? Answer later.

Side nugget: this was WCW's second world title tournament in less than a year. They had one (32-man tournament...well, more like 31 men and a woman... or something... six months earlier.)