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Compliment Sandwich: WCW Nitro 5/22/2000

Yesterday, I did a compliment sandwich on one of my favorite RAW is War episodes, the night-after Judgment Day 2000 episode of RAW. Not only it was the free TV debut of American Badass Undertaker, it was The Rock going off on the McMahon-Helmsley Regime after (a) being screwed out of the WWF Championship, and (b) being told that he was to be in a one-on-four handicap match.

Today, I serve the compliment sandwich to the Nitro offering from competing (in name only these days) WCW. The David Arquette era has ended, but the war between the Millionaires Club, WCW’s established—and most popular—superstars and the New Blood, talent that felt they weren’t given a fair shake, rages on. It’s been just over a month since WCW “started over”, and already the WCW World Heavyweight Championship has changed hands five times. Jeff Jarrett won the vacated title at Spring Stampede, loses it to Diamond Dallas Page a week and a day later, who then loses it to David Arquette without being pinned, who then loses it back to Jarrett in a three-tier cage match at Slamboree, who again lost it eight days later.

The champion heading into this Nitro: Ric Flair. THE Ric Flair, now on his sixth (or seventh if you count that time the title got vacated in 1994) reign as WCW champion. However, he ended the Thunder before this show struggling to stay upright as he did get injured. Classy WCW makes an angle out of it. Of course. Meanwhile, Sting and Vampiro continue their fiery feud (literally), Hulk Hogan made out with Torrie Wilson, and the New Blood is fighting each other, and the Filthy Animals walked on the group.

Sounds like the latest chapter in this saga may feature some New Blood on New Blood crime. Let’s find out as WCW presents Nitro from the Van Andel Arena in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

• A pair of limos arrives. Why’s Vince Russo with the WCW title? And why is sad Vince Russo sad? And why is sad Jeff Jarrett sad?
• And why is there a round cage hanging over the ring?
• We open with a match. A match! The Cat versus Booker T in a weapons match. Martial arts weapons are legal.
• Awful martial arts by The Cat.
• The Cat at the time was training Eric Bischoff’s then-16-year old son Garret. I think that explains everything right there.
• A reminder of the “relaxed DQ rules”.
• Slick Johnson is your referee. I fucking hate Slick Johnson.
• Booker with a Rock Bottom. From out of nowhere.
• A wild Shawn Stasiak appears. Axe kick and chair to the back of the head takes care of Meat, but…
• A cartwheel kick puts down the Bookerman at 4:49. This, by the way, is the longest
• Misfits in Action with Major Gunns bringing up the rear.
• Three corner splashes, then Stasiak pulls out Cat. Charming.
• A wild Eric Bischoff appears. With Kimberly Page.
• Kimberly Page looks AMAZEBALLS.
• Asshole chants. And random mutes. Fucking WCW.
• Eric Bischoff played the sleazy heel about as good as anyone can.
• Bischoff offering the olive branch to MIA to join the New Blood. MIA’s response: kiss our ass, complete with Major Gunns (real name: Tylene Buck) pulling down her shorts and mooning the New Blood.
• Late-to-work Kevin Nash is a gimmick. Who knew?
• Booker T has been fired. Again. That’s twice since the reboot Booker T got fired.
• Sad Vince Russo is still sad. Mock Ric Flair funeral later.
• Terry Taylor with Reid Flair. Show of hands that 13 years later, you had only Terry Taylor still alive. Damn.
• Speaking of Terry, Terry Funk is set to retire tonight. Terry Funk retiring: one of wrestling’s most enduring gimmicks.
• Daffney versus Crowbar for the undisputed WCW Cruiserweight Championship is on deck. Daffney’s the champion (the second woman to win the belt in six months, BTW after Madusa won it at Starrcade 1999), but Crowbar’s got possession of the belt.
• Dare I say it: normal-sounding Daffney’s kinda hot.
• Thumb wrestling, then rock-paper-scissors. And then wrestling
• A wild Miss Hancock appears. Miss Hancock was formerly Nitro Girl Skye, real name Stacy Keibler.
• Daffney with a Frankenscreamer, but only gets two.
• Crowbar is confused.
• A wild Chris Candido appears with Tammy.
• ANARCHY! ANARCHY!
• Fire thunder driver by Candido to Crowbar, and that’ll do it for Crowbar. Daffney checks on Crowbar, but Mickey Jay counts the fall and Daffney’s the one and only Cruiserweight Champion at 3:02. Seemed a lot longer than that.
• Meanwhile, Torrie gives Horace a backrub. Because why not.
• The Bookerman’s got plans for next week. Meanwhile Norman Smiley and Ralphus are washing cars for a buck.
• Kidman wants Horace. Me thinks he knows now.
• Kidman versus Horace, apparently with Torrie Wilson as guest referee is off and running.
• Hogan versus Kidman announced for Great American Bash. Hogan wins, he gets a world title match. Hogan loses, he’s retired.
• Horace with table. Torrie’s gonna let it go.
• Torrie is not on the line, apparently. If you say so, Eric.
• A wild Terry Bollea appears.
• Kidman reverses a Horace Hogan powerbomb. One does not simply powerbomb Kidman.
• Horace on table, and Ho Kogan beals Kidman off the top rope through the table that Horace lays on.
• Hulk Hogan forces Torrie to count, and Kidman wins at 4:05, though the official result is a no contest.
• More Ric Flair mock funeralness. Complete with absurdly big nose.
• WCW Hardcore Champion Terry Funk with tuxedo and cowboy boots. Apparently, his announcement is most major. Retirement, perhaps?
• Terry’s daughter Brandi is in the front row.
• If it is a retirement, it’s an excuse to put this in. Terry Funk’s first attempt to retire, way back in 1983. Terry Funk’s wrestling career: Then. Now. Forever.
• A wild Shane Douglas appears, and wants Funk to speed it along.
• Funk’s announcement: it’s a boy. He’s gonna be a grandpa. Congrats, Terry.
• Funk’s another announcement: June 1, he’s done. Brad Siegel shed a tear.
• June 1, 2001. One more year. WCW didn’t survive one more year, but Terry’s wrestling career did.
• Shane Douglas does not seem amused, and the New Blood is beating on Terry, while Funk’s daughter Brandi watches.
• Piledriver on the chair, and that’ll do it for Terry.
• And a DDT on the chair on top of it.
• And a spike piledriver. This is officially fucked up.
• Shane Douglas takes possession of the hardcore championship belt, as a stretcher awaits outside.
• Major Stash appears and he swaps buckets.
• Yes, WCW is still paying Kanyon, dumbass.
• Tony Schiavone with the Billy Madison blast.
• Ok, remember when I said Terry Funk getting dropped on his head while his daughter watches was fucked up? I take that back. Mike Awesome in a wheelchair and halo mocking Chris Kanyon is fucked up. As long as the check clears, I guess.
• Mike “The Career Killer” Awesome versus The Wall in an Ambulance versus Tables match. First person to put his opponent through a table or stuff said opponent in an ambulance and shut the door wins.
• Mike Awesome backdrops The Wall through the table. Awesome wins in just 85 seconds. This is the first match tonight to not have an in-match run-in.
• But Wall’s up. And he’s pissed.
• A wild Shane Douglas appears with lead pipe.
• A wild Diamond Dallas Page appears from the back of the ambulance, where Mike Awesome gets tossed.
• Meanwhile, The Wall is killing Shane Douglas dead.
• Literally.
• New Blood as pallbearers carrying the “coffin of Ric Flair’s career”. Big production goof: Mike Awesome and Shane Douglas appear. That’s sloppy, yo. If it said “earlier” or “earlier today”, it would be all good.
• And the Filthy Animals’ car just got a white coat of paint.
• Ok, remember when I said that whole Terry Funk and Mike Awesome thing was fucked up? This is fucked up: the “death of the career of Ric Flair”.
• Flair collapsing turned into an angle. Fucking-A, man.
• Russo sucks. And three and a half months later, he really will have the WCW world title.
• But for now, Ric Flair’s stripped of the title, and Jeff Jarrett’s got the title. Again. Third time in five weeks he’s champion. I don’t even think The Rock got to three that quick.
• A wild Kevin Nash appears from in the casket. And Nash cleans house.
• Kevin Nash has possession of the world title belt. I’m not gonna get it.
• Pamela Paulshock with a pissed-off Russo. Nash is given 45 minutes to give the belt back to Jarrett, or they’ll take it by force, no holds barred.
• Two cheerleaders appear. Then Shikira. Then Scott Steiner, WCW United States Champion. He’s from Michigan, isn’t he?
• Apparently Scott Steiner had quite the time at Michigan.
• Apparently, Scott now travels with an “asylum” now, a circular cage. Two men enter, exit occurs only when someone quits.
• Rick Steiner versus his younger brother Scott in an Asylum match for the WCW United States Championship. A domed roof, and yeah. No way out. Rick realizes the gravity of the situation.
• Tank Abbott with bolt cutters and R&B Security.
• Tankberg. Really? Really?
• Bolt cutters didn’t work, but Tank popped Mickey Jay, and he’s got the controls, and it’s two-on-one.
• A wild Kevin Nash appears, with world title belt in hand. Title shots to Rick Steiner and Tank Abbott. Match is a no contest at 3:34.
• New interviewer Pamela Paulshock with Kevin Nash. Nash seems to approve of new interviewer Pamela. Anyways, Kevin makes a match. Jeff Jarrett versus Kevin Nash, winner gets the belt.
• Chuck Palumbo with R&B Security and Miss Elizabeth versus Diamond Dallas Page on deck. The R&B security guards here: Allen Funk, best known as Kwee Wee (and later Bruce in TNA) before Turner S&P killed that character, and “Above Average” Mike Sanders.
• Liz cracks five across Chuck’s face, and DDP nearly takes advantage.
• A wild Kimberly Page appears. With bat. And Kimberly with the bat to the back of Liz. Wow. That’s fucked up.
• A wild Mike Awesome appears with halo.
• Page brained with the halo, and the Torture Rack ends Page’s night at 2:58.
• Lex Luger checks on Elizabeth, and he’s in a bit of a dilemma. Help DDP or help Liz.
• Kimberly trips Lex just enough to get Luger popped in the face by Palumbo with a flexor thingie. Stretcher for Lex.
• Yup, it’s bad. Get him in the ambulance, already. Fuck.
• Kimberly blames Liz. Kim looks amazingly hot though.
• Terry Taylor with Reid Flair. Fuck, this is depressing to watch in hindsight.
• David Flair and a wild Daffney appear with one of them Bruiser Buddy thingies.
• Reid's pouring out his heart, and Terry Taylor got blasted with a figurine.
• Reid Flair with a double leg takedown. Two points, right?
• Well, now it's uncomfortable. David gutshots Reid, piefaces him, and now puts him in the figure four. Fuck, something's not right in this world if David Flair's allowed to walk the Earth and Reid's not.
• I know, Schiavone. What the fuck are you doing? You're making it real easy for people to not like you, WCW.
• And they're showing the replay. What. The. Fuck.
• Vampiro (with can of kerosene and blowtorch) takes on FUNB Hogan. 
• Sting versus Vampiro in a human torch match announced for the Great American Bash. Match continues until someone burns. What the fuck were they thinking?
• Vampiro gets the jump on Hogan.
• Clusterfinishes? Not in WCW? Remember this. Quiz later.
• How does Hogan handle all these challenges? Creative control, my dude. Creative control.
• Big boot and leg drop, but Hogan does not go for the cover. Wonder if it'll come back to bite him.
• A wild Billy Kidman appears and beans Hogan with the torch in the back. Vampiro takes advantage and gets the pin at 4:45.
• Sting appears and saves Hogan's ass.
• And Sting and Hogan whips on Vampiro.
• Filthy Animals no like the new paint. Wild Misfits in Action appear. Norman Smiley runs like hell. Ralphus is down. Paging Miss Gunns.
• Hustle, Miss Gunns. It's Ralphus, who slips her the tongue. You magnificent bastard.
• Jeff Jarrett vs. Kevin Nash for the vacated WCW World Heavyweight Championship. Nash has possession of the belt, and will only give it back on the condition that he's beaten in a match.
• For the third Nitro in a row, a world title match is the main event. 
• A wild Vince Russo appears with R&B Security.
• And he's the referee as Billy Silverman gets wiped out.
• I guess it's falls count anywhere. Not that it matters, since Russo won't give Nash a fair shake.
• Nash peppersprayed by Russo and stroked by Jarrett. Steiner's music played for a second for some reason, then stops.
• Then it plays again, and out comes Steiner. And he gets maced too. And handcuffed.
• Nash's had enough of their shit.
• Swing and a miss on the bloodbath as Nash was about to plant Russo with a powerbomb.
• Jarrett with the acoustic, and he wins the WCW world title for the third time in just 4:39. 
• Bischoff, Russo, and Double J brag, and scene.

Compliment Sandwich- WWE Magazine’s 15 Reasons Why WCW Nitro Failed

Right around time of RAW’s 15^th anniversary, WWE put out a special commemorative issue highlighting the best and worst of WWE’s signature show. This was a year and a half before The Rise and Fall of WCW (which I highly recommend you watch, regardless of how you feel about WWE’s spin of some events), but it was a good six years after RAW’s competition, WCW Monday Nitro, left the airwaves. And always willing to beat a dead horse, WWE had a list dedicated to the show that it beat down (even after Nitro had beaten RAW every week for a year and a half): 15 reasons why Nitro failed.

Now, as it is my job to put a positive spin on some of the worst of wrestling (and through the benefit of hindsight), I’ll (attempt) to put a positive spin on the reasons why Nitro failed.

(15) Tony Schiavone. Sorry, I can’t even say anything nice about the man who claimed every night “was the greatest night in the history of the sport”. He spent most of his career in NWA/JCP/WCW, but did have a cup of coffee in the WWF in 1989 and 1990. The tease of the Wrestlemania VI main event between Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior that happened at the Royal Rumble was voiced by him. Apparently, he cooked a lot of bridges in WCW, allegedly hiding finishes and angles from his co-commentators and being generally lazy. Also, according to Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, he was only allowed a brief statement on his friend/co-commentator Gorilla Monsoon following his passing, though Schiavone didn’t want any mention of it at all. I could see why Schiavone didn’t like the idea: he replaced—and was replaced—by Monsoon in the WWF broadcast booth. Monsoon was beloved. Still is, for that matter. When WCW went under, the WWF didn’t come calling for Tony. When TNA was a PPV promotion, Tony was kicked after just one week. Even commentator/editor-in-chief of the Camel Clutch Blog Eric Garigulo had not nice things to say about Tony:

“Interestingly enough, I did a show back in 2007 as an announcer which was taped for pay-per-view from San Francisco. I got the booking when Tony Schiavone canceled. It amazed me that anyone would pay this man a penny to call a match on their pay-per-view. I was more than happy to take his booking.”

And with that, Tony, we’re out of time. You can go straight to hell.

(14) nWo 2000. WCW can only take partial blame for why this contributed to Nitro’s failure. Let’s make this clear: the New World Order was one of the greatest contributions to wrestling ever. Ever. That’s not debatable. How long it should have stuck around is, and while everyone has an opinion, many are of the opinion that bringing the group back in late 1999 was a bad idea. And perhaps as an act of karma, nearly everyone involved with the angle suffered. Goldberg, their main adversary, injured his arm breaking a limousine window. Chris Benoit, also feuding with the group, left for the WWF. Bret Hart, the group’s leader, was concussed into early retirement. Jeff Jarrett and Kevin Nash also had to sit out with injuries. Just as quickly as the “band got back together”, they were broken up.

(13) Anti-American Jim Duggan. No. Just… no.

(12) Chavo Guerrero and Pepe. All things considered, Pepe was far and away not the worst thing to happen to Eddie Guerrero’s nephew. For your consideration, in no particular order, here are five things worse:

a.      Chavo Guerrero once lost his ECW title match to Kane in ten seconds at WrestleMania 24.

b.     Chavo Guerrero was once karate chopped by Bob Barker.

c.      Chavo Guerrero was once Jack Swagger’s “Soaring Eagle”.

d.     Chavo Guerrero was once Kerwin White.

e.     Chavo Guerrero was the last man to lose the WWE Cruiserweight Championship. The manhe it lost to: Hornswoggle.

(11) Vince Russo in the Popemobile. Vince Russo: WCW world heavyweight champion is a much more egregious offense.

(10) Matches in the Mall of America. Those matches in the Mall of America beat Monday Night RAW that week in the ratings. Scoreboard.

(9) Fingerpoke of Doom. This moment did far more damage to WCW than any of us realize up until the whole Arquette thing. Forget the fact that Tony Schiavone on orders of Eric Bischoff foolishly underestimated the appeal of Mick Foley. Forget the fact for a moment that they were giving away yet another potential money-making main event (Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan were leading the two nWo factions in WCW—and they were at war with one another). Forget the fact that just over a year earlier, the WWF did something similar. Forget the fact that ratings actually stayed relatively steady in the weeks following this. This moment was a big middle finger to every one in WCW not named Kevin Nash or Hulk Hogan, and a big “fuck you” to every fan of wrestling in general. This title change makes the Montreal Screwjob pretty damn defensible. And that shit’s hard to defend. Apparently, there is a conspiracy theory that Hogan and Nash were plotting this from when Goldberg won the title fromHogan six months earlier in the Georgia Dome. I kinda believe it. That’s what you get, WCW. You never deserved to catch the WWF after that. I will say one nice thing: it doesn’t belong at #9. It belongs much, much higher. Like... #2. 

(8) The Magnificent Seven. Clearly not learning from their mistakes, WCW put together yet another stable in the dying days: The Magnificent Seven. Here’s the group: world champion Scott Steiner, WCW on-screen CEO Ric Flair, Rick Steiner, Jeff Jarrett, Lex Luger, Buff Bagwell, and Road Warrior Animal. Would you take this group seriously? You put seven upper-midcarders against this group, and they’d smoke them. That’s a fact.

(7) “Crazy” Ric Flair. Forget for a moment that Ric Flair may be legitimately crazy these days. Ric Flair and mental hospital are two things that shouldn’t be in the same sentence. Ever. It made the idea of Ric Flair as Spartacus look genius.

(6) New Blood vs. Millionaires Club. This was WCW’s last serious effort to generate interest in their product. They retconned everything and started over in a major reboot. Risky, considering the reboot was on the Monday before a PPV. And for a few weeks, it worked. The roster was as energized as it was in a long time. But here’s what killed it: the booking. The Millionaire’s Club, perceived to be the ones holding the younger talent back, were the faces in the feud against the New Blood. From the April 10, 2000 reboot to Bash at the Beach that July, the WCW world title changed hands twelve times, six of them coming on Nitro. Though Billy Kidman was one of the main sparks of the feud, he actually came out worse for it in the end (thanks to Hulk Hogan). In fact, the only person to come out better for the feud was Booker T. And he spent most of the feud as GI Bro. Think about that. Oh, and Kimberly Page. She had the sense to quit.

(5) Steve “Mongo” McMichael. Steve was a member of the Super Bowl-winning Chicago Bears in 1985, one of the greatest football teams ever assembled. And that’s where the niceness ends. Mongo was a bad commentator, bad wrestler, and if it weren’t for Paul Roma, would be the worst Horseman ever. Yes, Mongo was bad, but he was far from the most offensive. Plus, Mongo once was married to this.

(4) Disco Inferno. Again, bad? Yes. But enjoyably bad. In fact, Disco was one of my personal favorites in WCW. He was a guy you’d love to hate. And he is still alive, if you’re wondering. Like Mongo, not WCW killer bad, but bad enough to not cross into the offensive line. You know, like…

(3) The One Warrior Nation. WCW, allegedly at the request of Hulk Hogan, paid a hefty sum (as much as $2 million American) to get the legit crazy Ultimate Warrior on their roster for one purpose: to get that win back from Wrestlemania VI. Forget for a moment that the match from Halloween Havoc 1998 is legitimately one of the worst in recorded history. The Warrior return nosedived from the moment he got on the microphone. He talked. And talked. And talked. And pretty much lull people to sleep. And if that didn’t do it, subsequent Nitros saw Warrior appear and disappear in a cloud of smoke and trap doors and mirrors, a la The Undertaker (in fact, one of those trap doors essentially ended Davey Boy Smith’s career). And if that didn’t turn you away, then Warrior turning nWo member Disciple (aka Hogan BFF Ed Leslie) into some sort of gay sex slave probably will. The Warrior era ended after just twelve weeks, and as he had an ironclad contract, was paid a hefty sum of money to stay home. Compared to other financial flops that would befall WCW, this was minor. But among critical flops, this is easily near the top of the list.

(2) Misfits inAction. This was the group of wrestlers that was left out in the cold from the New Blood-Millionaires Club angle. The only problem was the group (outside of Booker T) was largely a bunch of jobbers no one cared about. Except adult film star Tylene Buck, aka Major Gunns. She was hot. It’s hardly a reason why Nitro failed, much less #2.

(1) David Arquette. He appeared on just three episodes of Nitro, yet his appearances did irreparable damage. In his defense, it wasn’t his fault. Really, it wasn’t. In a production meeting, Tony Schiavone jokingly kicked around the idea that David Arquette (who was on Nitro and Thunder to promote the WCW movie Ready to Rumble) could be world champion. Leave it to Vince Russo (who once thought Tank Abbott should be world champion) to take the idea seriously. To his credit, David (himself a longtime wrestling fan) thought that this was not a good idea. It didn’t stop Vinnie Ru from doing it, and on an episode of Thunder…of THUNDER, David Arquette wins the title, killing any remaining credibility the world title, the one held by guys like Ric Flair, Sting, Vader, even Hulk fucking Hogan, once had. To quote a wrestling message board post in 2009, “if the Fingerpoke of Doom gushed blood out of the organs of WCW, then the Arquette title win shot the organization in the face with the elephant gun.” I’m pretty sure no one recovers from being shot in the face with an elephant gun (I can't speak to this as I've never been shot with an elephant gun, nor know anyone that has), and neither did WCW. Ready to Rumble flopped, WCW TV ratings flopped, Slamboree 2000, in which Arquette was defending the world title, flopped, and WCW’s checkbook flopped and faceplanted in the cement. Something good did come out of it though: Arquette sensibly donated his WCW earnings to the families of Brian Pillman and Darren Drozdov. 

Unsanctioned, Uncut, Unauthorized, Unbelievable, Unsuitable for Human Consumption

If you were a fan of WCW, you had to put up with a lot of hot garbage. Truthfully, in the mid-1990s, if you were a fan of any major promotion in the United States, you had to put up with a lot of hot garbage. But hey, at least it was safe for children to watch. After all, you didn’t have to worry about things such as swearing or blood or other adult-like things that television was increasingly getting filled with. Remember when everyone made a big stink (no pun intended) of Dennis Franz’s naked ass on NYPD Blue? At least in wrestling, you didn’t have to worry about such a thing.

In fact, if you watched WCW, you didn’t have to worry about such a thing…pretty much ever. Because of Turner’s standards and practices, there was no blood, swearing, man-on-woman violence, or other adult-like things to worry about on WCW programming. It was family friendly, by God. (By late 1999, WCW would change their tune pretty much entirely, but that’s a different story.) Well, except for one night a year. That one night: Uncensored.

WCW Uncensored is often said to be a precursor to the WWE PPV Extreme Rules, but a more accurate analogy would be the ECW One Night Stand PPV that WWE put on in 2005 and 2006. It would be the one night of the year that anything goes and every match on the show was deemed unsanctioned by WCW. The following disclaimer ran in the opening moments of the first edition in 1995:

"The program you are about to see is a first in World Championship Wrestling. The following pay-per-view event, Uncensored, has been established due to the many grudges and differences which have developed between wrestlers over the past few months. With this in mind, the WCW Board of Governors has the following statement: Every match at Uncensored will occur without the sanction of the WCW board. The following matches have been agreed upon by all involved and will be held solely to settle any personal disputes. Get ready for a professional wrestling event like none other….it’s now time for WCW…Unauthorized, Unsanctioned and UNCENSORED."

A few things of note: this is pre-Nitro, pre-Cruiserweight division, and just happened to occur on the same week Michael Jordan’s return to basketball after a fifteen-month “retirement” and Mike Tyson being released from jail after spending three years on rape charges. Bobby Heenan lumping this with Vader ending Hulkamania to call it the biggest week in the history of sports is classic Bobby Heenan. It would also be incorrect. I don’t know what the correct answer would be, but if you have an idea, let me know.

The 1995 edition, emanating from the wrestling hotbed that is the Tupelo Coliseum in Tupelo, Mississippi, is one of the worst PPVs of all time. So bad that Dave Meltzer’s Wrestling Observer Newsletter named it the Worst Major Wrestling Show of the Year (the 1996 sequel also took home that “honor”). The show featured just seven matches, but it had quite the variety: a Texas tornado tag match, a “King of the Road” match, a strap match, even a boxer vs. wrestler match.

But how bad can it really be?

KB’s Wrestling Reviews: 

Overall Rating: O. As in oh what do you think I’m going to give this show? This is freaking terrible. The thing is though, the idea actually isn’t that bad: a hardcore PPV. The problem is it was about as thrown together as you could ask for. None of the gimmicks made any sense and the regular matches were boring. Also the main event being non title makes it sound weak. 

Jack Bramma of 411mania in 2012: 

They have a special circle in hell for wrestling shows like this. This thing will suck your soul dry of all the humanity inside you. Please, don't watch this. But if you MUST, you have to be under the same cocktail of influences that the booking committee was at the time. 

Scott Keith: 

The show is brutally bad, but it’s brutally bad in a Vince Russoish car crash sort of way, rather than WCW’s usual brutally boring sort of bad.
 That’s probably about the nicest thing I can think of to say about this show, and as my mother always says, if you can’t say anything nice about a show, don’t say anything at all… 

Good thing I had some cocktails and an energy drink. I’ll probably need it to get through this travesty. 

Compliment Sandwich: Spring Stampede 2000

A thought most random: how far off from center is the Spring Stampede logo on the left? Everything else looks centered, or at least aligned that way. It's just odd.

The final Spring Stampede in WCW history took place on April 16, 2000 from the United Center in Chicago. There were five of these events, first in 1994, then for four consecutive years from 1997 to 2000. The last Spring Stampede was also the first PPV of the Russo-Bischoff booking regime. This was coming off the heels of an Uncensored PPV that left a taste so bad that the only way to wash it away was to blow it up and start over. Kevin Sullivan, who replaced Vince Russo in booking originally, was himself replaced by both Russo and Eric Bischoff, one of the key components of the rise of WCW to the world's top wrestling promotion in the late 1990s.

When WCW was starting over, they were starting over. All titles were vacated, any feuds to this point were thrown out, and the roster was basically divided between young talent, dubbed the New Blood, and established talent, dubbed the Millionaires Club. All this was done, by the way, on April 10, less than a week before the PPV. In less than a week, WCW would completely turn itself over. But would it be for the better?

Let's try and make nice with Spring Stampede 2000.

This video package literally could open a Nitro. But the PPV came first, so it opens the PPV.

• Speaking of video packages, it’s worth saying. Even in 2000, the WWF was the truth in putting stuff like this together.
• Literally the same set used for Nitro is being used for Spring Stampede. Good God, not even WWE with their HD set does this for PPVs. It makes your company look cheap. That shit grinds my gears.
• DQ rules are being relaxed tonight. They did that the previous Monday, and three matches that night ended in a DQ.
• 5:40 in, we finally have our first entrance. Tag team title qualifier with the Mamalukes (later known as FBI in WWE) versus Team Package (Ric Flair and Lex Luger).
• Flair’s fired up. I approve. And he’s coming in his evening gear.
• Team Package should not be coming out to Lex Luger’s music. Ric Flair’s on the team, his music gets played. That’s a fact.
• Never mind. Solo entrance for “The Total Package” aka “The Final Answer” Lex Luger. His music has a Millionaire vibe.
• WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
• And already, Iron Man Vince Russo.
• And the Harris Brothers. I guess they’re in the match too. A three-team qualifier.
• And at 10:55, we have our opening match. Way too long to get to match #1 of the PPV.
• Not even the commentators can make of what would happen if the Harrises win. That’s not a good sign.
• Flair never hits that top rope move. He did maybe twice in WWE.
• Somebody’s mad at Disco. Two guys take him away. I totally approve. He’s a waste of space.
• That clothesline by Johnny The Bull was pretty impressive. Took a bit long to set up though.
• Team Package wins via Human Torture Rack of Doom.
• We’re muting “Damn.” Really, WCW? This is PPV.
• A wild Bam Bam Bigelow appears.
• Mike Awesome beats on Bam Bam Bigelow for some reason.
• Mancow versus Jimmy Hart next. I’ll skip.
• Kidman beats down Jimmy Hart post-match. Shot in the direction of Hulk Hogan.
• The Wall versus Scott Steiner. This is the first quarterfinal in the US Championship Tournament. Seven matches on this show focus on this tournament. Scott Steiner coming out to the old Steiner Brothers music for some reason.
• 32:53. We have a disqualification. The Wall chokeslammed a referee through the table. Scott Steiner goes forward. So much for relaxing the DQ rule.
• A wild Bam Bam Bigelow appears.
• Mike Awesome making his in-ring WCW debut against Ernest Miller. Quarterfinal match in the WCW US title tournament.
• A wild Bam Bam Bigelow appears. He took Miller’s place—literally.
• Ernest Miller dances. Do not approve.
• Awesome kills Miller. Three-and-a-half-star frog splash. Drive home safely. Awesome wins.
• Shane Douglas and Buff Bagwell versus Harlem Heat in the second qualifying match for the tag titles. Oh wait… it’s Harlem Heat 2000. Stevie Ray and Fat Ahmed Johnson, who is fat. Fuck.
• Shane Douglas enters as Buff Bagwell’s video plays on the screen. Figure that out.
• Yeah, I’m gonna skip. Only have to jump about three minutes.
• Booker T vs. Sting in a quarterfinal match for the US title tournament.
• Oh wait…Booker. He somehow lost the rights to use the letter “T” in his name. Fuck this company.
• Sting’s Metallica theme was always awesome. That’s a fact.
• Holy shit, this match is the tits right now.
• Schiavone said that neither of these men were close to done. Less than a minute later, Sting wins with the Scorpion Deathdrop.
• Post-match fist pump out of respect.
• Vampiro versus Billy Kidman (with Torrie Wilson) in the last quarterfinal. Winner gets Sting.
• Holy shit, Vampiro nearly killed Kidman with that release powerbomb.
• Second powerbomb attempt fails. One does not simply powerbomb Kidman.
• Third attempt also fails. Vampiro has learned nothing.
• A wild Hollywood Hogan appears. Shit is about to get real.
• Hell, if you can collect a PPV bonus without wrestling a match, go for it.
• Guess we’re not calling a DQ for that.
• Hogan versus Kidman is the root of this Millionaires Club-New Blood feud. Something about a flea market.
• Punjabi Plunge to the announce table, and table didn’t budge an inch.
• Scoop slam fixes that though.
• Vampiro wins. He’s not gonna apologize for it.
• ERIC BISCHOFF, HULK HOGAN’S COMIN’ FOR YOU NIGGA!
• Angry Ho Kogan is looking to choke a bitch.
• Some of Chicago’s finest… oh shit. Shit’s getting too real. Somebody’s got a gun out. No bueno.
• Next match begins as Hogan is being carried out in cuffs.
• They’re all rats. Whole cafeteria’s a bunch of rats.
• Terry Funk versus Norman Smiley for the hardcore title. Norman’s about to get ass raped, yo.
• My… my diet soda.
• A wild Dustin Rhodes appears.
• Terry Funk wins and is hardcore champion. Of course.
• Not gonna lie. It was a fun match. Stupid fun, but fun.
• Russo wants Booker T to do him an egg. This, by the way, is the last time we see Booker tonight, so we never find out what that egg is.
• And speaking of doing people an egg, Scott Steiner takes on Mike Awesome in the first US title tournament semifinal.
• Cops used guns; they didn’t even get disqualified. What does that have to do with anything?
• A wild Kevin Nash appears. With a crutch. And he takes it to the back of Awesome.
• Actually, this would be the last time Booker appears. Vince Russo fires Dustin Rhodes. Meh. No big loss.
• Vampiro versus Sting in the second semifinal of the US title tournament. Winner gets Scott Steiner.
• And Sting moves forward. The lone member of the Millionaires Club is in the final match. Of course.
• Kimberly looks goooood, yo.
• Two-thirds of 3 Count, Shannon Moore and Shane Helms, and their horrible, horrible song. This has to be one of the ten worst theme songs ever.
• Enter Prince Iaukea, Lash Leroux, Crowbar, and Juventud Guerrera. And Chris Candido. Cruiserweight title match. Sudden death. First fall gets the vacated title.
• Everybody kill everybody.
• A wild Daffney appears.
• A wild David Flair appears.
• A wild Paisley appears.
• A wild Tammy Lynn Sytch appears. Four run-ins in less than three minutes. And pushes the Prince off the top rope.
• Chris Candido, Tammy’s main squeeze, picks up the win.
• Tammy: the most complete female performer in wrestling history? REALLY? Even in 2000, I can’t buy that. I mean, at least Sable took a bump in her WWF run. Tammy didn’t. Not one.
• Paisley and Tammy: catfight!
• Shannon Moore and Charles Robinson pay a pretty hard price. Protect yourselves at all times.
• Tag title match: Team Package vs. Shane Douglas and Buff Bagwell. This, by the way, ill be the first time Douglas and Flair have been in a proper match together since Shane began his vendetta in the early 1990s.
• Buff Bagwell really asking for a Code of Honor?
• Flair still in his street clothes. Did he legitimately forget his ring gear or something?
• Ugly collision by Flair and Douglas.
• And Ric fails to complete the cartwheel.
• He finishes the second time. Only to get clotheslined from the apron.
• WOOOOOOOOOO!
• Wild Kronik appears.
• Fuck that finish.
• 12 matches in, and 10 had a run-in.
• Scott Steiner’s left arm vein is bigger than Sting’s arms. Ah, Steiner math.
• Steiner will face Sting in the United States Championship match. Both men are on their third match this evening.
• How does one not respect Sting? I mean, for reals?
• Vampiro? Da fuq?
• And Scott Steiner went full blast to that corner and may have knocked himself out. And to answer your question, Scott Hudson, no.
• Sting’s dead. Scott Steiner’s the new United States Champion. He’s now won ever belt to win in WCW (excluding the hardcore title) but the big one.
• That’s 11 of 13 that had a run-in. Add to the DQ earlier, and that’s one match that ended clean and decisive. I don’t expect that count to go up.
• And holy shit, Michael Buffer is NOT doing the introductions. I approve. Nothing against Buffer, but him doing it for damn near every Nitro and PPV (and the occasional Thunder) gets a little old pretty damn quick.
• Love the Wrestlemania XIV-esque walks from the locker room to the ring.
• The Big Bent Gold Belt at stake.
• A wild gray-haired Eric Bischoff appears.
• A wild Kimberly Page appears. Oh wait, she was at ringside already. Carry on.
• DDP with a Diamond Cutter on himself.
• And Jarrett with the title shot to the face.
• Not gonna lie: this match’s pretty good. Kinda overbooked, but pretty good.
• Of course Kimberly “El Kabong”s her hubby.
• Stroke, and Jeff Jarrett’s finally the champ of the world.

Boy, this PPV was both fun and frustrating. Fun because recent WCW PPVs at the time were anything but. The general consensus was that locker room morale was as good as it’s ever been in recent memory at the time of the show. But the two hours and 40 minutes show both what WCW could have been and what WCW really was in the Russo-Bischoff era. It was a mess. It was overbooked. And all too often, it didn’t make sense. But it was better than Uncensored.

One Debut, One Return, One Night

August 1999 was a great time to be a wrestling fan. In the WWF, life was good. The company was about to return to broadcast television with Smackdown. Ratings have never been higher. And they're crushing their competition. However, storyline-wise, the WWF was in a bit of a strange spot: the one that turned the company's fortunes around, the Austin-McMahon saga, had just ended, and there were questions as to whether Triple H can really handle the mantle of being the top heel. In addition, behind the scenes, there was about to be a major change: Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara, two members of the creative team partially credited for getting the WWF out of the gutter, were heading for WCW.

That soon-to-be-exit was an outlier in the transfer of talent happening in the major wrestling organizations at the time. After the WWF saw the majority of their big names from the 1980s leave for greener pastures and bigger money in WCW during the mid-90s, those in WCW looking for upward mobility had to come to the WWF. Of note, Steve Austin, Mick Foley, Vader, and Paul Levesque (aka Triple H), under various circumstances, found themselves in the WWF and flourished. 

In 1999, the WWF got their hands on hot free agent Chris Jericho. Frustrated with the working environment in WCW, Jericho came to the WWF with quite a bit of fanfare. Instead of vignettes for the debuting talent, a "countdown to the millennium" clock appeared throughout their WWF programs for weeks. The countdown would end not at the actual turn of the millennium, but around 10pm ET on August 9. Then, magic.

On the same night, after some convincing from his son to ditch the nWo black and white colors, Hulk Hogan for the first time in three years wore the red and yellow that made him famous. He would keep the colors until the New Blood-Millionaires Club angle in the spring of 2000, when he would remain "Hollywood" Hogan until the end of his WCW run. Magic there too.

While Hogan going back to the red and yellow was somewhat unexpected, Jericho's WWF debut was (even though Jericho didn't look back on it too fondly in his autobiography) as about as good a debut as there was in wrestling history.

So how did it work out for USA and TNT? RAW crushed Nitro by a 2-to-1 margin (6.4 for RAW to 3.1 for Nitro).