Rocktober- Day 3

A new day of Rock stuff.

Rocktober- Day 1

After watching about two months of PPVs that range from classic to horrible, I think it's about time I treat myself (and you, the reader) to some good wrestling for once. 

Compliment Sandwich: RAW 5/22/2000

Time for another compliment sandwich on a classic episode of Monday Night RAW (is WAR). I don’t expect this episode to make the 20^th anniversary boxset when it’s released in a couple of months, but it’s one of my favorites. This episode takes place from the Conseco Fieldhouse in Indianapolis (since renamed Bankers Life Fieldhouse) the night after Judgment Day in Louisville.

If you were for the faces, Judgment Day was a pretty depressing evening for you. Following the opener, the heels swept the card, winning the final five matches, capped off by Triple H winning a one-hour Ironman match against The Rock to reclaim the WWF Championship. But perhaps the biggest story coming from that night (other than Shawn Michaels appearing to screw The Rock out of the title) was the return of The Undertaker...looking very different. Judgment Day gave birth to American Badass Undertaker, a period that while necessary for the evolution of the character, is not necessarily looked upon fondly.

WCW countered with…you guessed it… a world title match between Kevin Nash and Jeff Jarrett. (For the record, Jarrett won the match and the title. It was only the second time that week the title changed hands, as Vince Russo stripped Ric Flair of the title he’d won on the previous week’s Nitro. Didn’t matter: the night after Jarrett won it back, Nash won the belt from Jarrett at a Thunder taping.) Not surprisingly, RAW crushed Nitro 7.1 to 3.0. It was the last time a WWF program got a 7 rating.

Anyways, on with it.

• How do you know you’re watching a WWF program from the first half of 2000? A 20-minute opening promo by the McMahon-Helmsley Faction. Well, not exactly that tonight. It’s Vince McMahon, and he only needed about six minutes to lay out the main event.
• How do you know you’re watching a WWF program from the first half of 2000? The main event is a handicap match. Tonight: DX + Shane McMahon versus The Rock. Even by this point, this was getting old.
• A wild Rock appears. And he’s pissed.
• Seriously, this beatdown needs some music behind it. May I suggest “Straight Outta Compton” by NWA?
• McMahon’s taking a ride.
• Rock’s looking to choke a bitch. Or something.
• And now the wrestling portion of the program begins: T&A with Trish Stratus versus The Hardy Boyz.
• Thanks to Trish, Jeff’s pretty as hell Swanton Bomb is negated by Test’s top rope elbow to the back of Jeff’s head. T&A gets the upset win at 3:56.
• The Rock is waiting for somebody.
• Eddie Guerrero with Chyna versus D-Lo Brown for the WWF European Championship. D-Lo Brown had four runs as European Champion in 1998 and 1999.
• JR and King discussing the events of the previous night. You know, there’s a match in the ring.
• A wild Godfather appears. With hos.
• Hurancanrana pin gets Eddie the dupe and title defense in just 2:26.
• Godfather with the beatdown and Pimp Drop post match. D-Lo had a very bad night.
• Gerald Brisco with the Faction just as they arrive. They have no idea how real shit’s gonna get.
• But they find out about ten seconds later when…
• A wild Rock appears. With lead pipe. He kills Road Dogg and X-Pac dead. And drops them in the bed of an 18-wheeler. Tori and Gerald at least had the sense to run.
• Team ECK versus Too Cool & Rikishi in a return match from Judgment Day.
• Kurt wasn’t completely accurate. The Pacers made it to the NBA Finals, but they got beat in six games by the Lakers. That’s better than what the 76ers in 2001 (5 games) and the Nets in 2002 did (4 games).
• Well, Christian’s right. 13 years later, not much has changed. The Pacers still choke in the playoffs.
• Five-second poses were awesome. Even Lilian enjoyed it a little bit.
• ANARCHY! ANARCHY!
• Rikishi’s face is in Edge’s ass.
• Edge prevents Scotty 2 Hotty from completing the Worm with a title shot, Kurt Angle with a half-nelson cradle, and Team ECK disposes of Too Cool in just 2:50.
• The Rock is still looking to kill.
• Shane McMahon to gloat about his victory over The Big Show. Big Show for the record would not be back until the 2001 Royal Rumble match.
• Shane’s a pussy.
• Shane the poet.
• Shane the poet about to get fucked up because…
• A wild Rock appears. Today is not a good day to fuck with The Rock.
• Up next: Chris Benoit versus Val Venis for the Intercontinental Championship.
• Benoit did not go on to become the greatest IC champion ever, though he did have four runs as champion.
• The way the end of the main event from Judgment Day was being discussed, you’d think it was Nitro, Nick Patrick and the “fast count” from Starrcade all over again.
• Speaking of which, I gotta give that event the compliment sandwich one day.
• A wild Hardcore Holly appears. And he just brained Val Venis.
• And Chris Benoit, who wins by DQ at 6:43. It’s the longest match on the show.
• A wild Chris Jericho appears. Hardcore Holly turns around but it’s way too late. Intercontinental Deathmatch 2000 is officially on. Round 1, and Jericho’s the only one that is upright.
• Gerald Brisco awaits Triple H and Stephanie, but up now is a tag team match, playa. The Dudley Boyz versus Bosschanan (Bull Buchanan & The Big Boss Man). Think The Shield, only less talented and way bigger.
• Teddy Tag Team (Theodore Long)
• Yeah. D-Von’s testifying all in Bull Buchanan’s nuts.
• Indianapolis demands their table, and right fucking now.
• Bossman gets the Dudley Death Drop and them damn Dudleys win at 5:08.
• Gerald Brisco. Still waiting.
• Elroy, aka Crash Holly, at the APA office. The APA office is one of my favorite gags ever in wrestling.
• Bradshaw and Faarooq be like, “English motherfucker, do you speak it?”
• Crash pours beer over Bradshaw. This is not a good idea. One does not waste a good beer.
• Faarooq: Don’t hurt him. He’s just a boy.
• Gerald Brisco: still waiting.
• 2000 cell phones, man.
• Crash Holly, who does not weigh 400 pounds, will take on Bradshaw in a hardcore match.
• Crash got brained with that steel chair, yo. Hands up or no, he got fucked up.
• Crash died a thousand deaths. Clothesline from hell wins it for Bradshaw at 2:01. What did you learn?
• Gerald Brisco finally with Triple H and Stephanie. Gerald telling the tale of the night to this point.
• Triple H is looking for The Rock. Meanwhile, The Rock is stalking Triple H. The Rock knows what you did last Sunday.
• Highlights from the Judgment Day main event, then Michael Cole interviewed Shawn Michaels from shortly after the final bell.
• Godfather and Essa Rios. With hos. Meanwhile, a wild Lita appears. Speaking Spanish, no less. Lita does not seem impressed.
• Jim: You ever rolled a phatty? Jerry: Remember that time when I pushed you? *bad dum crash*
• Dean Malenko, you shrewd bastard. Two hos for Dean-o. Perry Saturn gets no hos. Dean Malenko and Perry Saturn versus Godfather and Essa Rios (with Lita) becomes Perry Saturn versus Godfather and Essa Rios (with Lita).
• Lita pushed Essa Rios off the top rope, and Saturn hits the brainbuster. The one beats the duo in just 92 seconds. Guess it ain’t all good between Lita and Essa. This concludes the wrestling portion of the program.
• The Rock’s looking to choke a bitch.
• I still put Survivor Series 1997 over the Ironman match in terms of controversy.
• I would love to agree on The Rock saying Triple H never beat The Rock. Triple H did. Five times, my dude. But let’s not get facts in the way.
• Just Got Your Ass Kicked Boulevard is about a mile from Jabroni Drive, by the way.
• Sucking it with each other is most certainly not PG.
• Four-on-one is now one-on-one. Shit’s on, brah.
• That’s funny, Triple H. Indianapolis isn’t in the mood for your shit either.
• The ring stinks of rats for some reason.
• And we’re off.
• And there it is. The regime has returned.
• Doesn’t matter. Rock Bottom to Vince.
• But the Regime has pounced on The Rock.
• The Judgment Day video plays from last night. And the action has stopped. Looks like the Regime’s Judgment Day is now.
• American Badass Undertaker has arrived.
• Undertaker kills everybody dead not named Triple H, Stephanie, or Tori.
• And Undertaker was about to get run over. The Regime is running for their lives.
• Meanwhile, Triple H is about to kill The Rock dead.
• Or not.
• Triple H is about to kill The Rock dead again.
• Or not.
• Rock Bottom to Triple H through the announce table. Triple H’s final destination tonight: The People’s Hell.
• Achievement Unlocked: Rage Against The Regime.

Ok, on to the summary. What I liked and didn’t like in chart and/or graph form.

LIKE	The main story of the show: The Rock mad as hell that he got boned out of the WWF Championship thanks in part to the McMahon-Helmsley Regime. He’s not smiling, he’s not walking around like things are good. That’s what I want out of a former champion. If you lose it any way other than Windex clean, you’d better be looking to fight somebody.
DIDN’T LIKE	Yet another McMahon promo to start RAW. If there was one RAW is War or Smackdown that didn’t begin with a 20-minute promo from Triple H or his band of merry misfits in the first half of 200, I’d like to see it.
LIKE	Edge and Christian and their silly five-second poses. Brood Edge and Christian were good. BFF’s Edge and Christian were fan…tastic. (For the record, the one they did in Oakland right around the time of the 2000 playoffs was my favorite.)
DIDN’T LIKE	Most of the matches on the show finished too quickly to mean anything. But considering (a) the massive riches they have in talent and (b) little time they have, it’s forgivable. Plus, they’re coming off a PPV.
LIKE	Although I’m in the minority, I like American Badass Undertaker.
BONUS LIKE	2000 Trish and Lita. Wow.

It was easy to see why WWF was on fire in 2000: compelling characters, superior talent, superior storylines, and dare I say it, long-term planning. Of course, it was spotty in places, but around this time, this was as good as it gets.

Compliment Sandwich- WWF RAW #293 (January 4, 1999)

January 4, 1999 is a day that will forever live in wrestling infamy. On that night we had a rare daily double: both the WWF and WCW world titles changed hands. In fact, the two major promotions had world title changes within ten minutes of one another. Well…not exactly. While Hulk Hogan really did win the WCW title on January 4, Mankind had won the WWF title nearly a week earlier on December 29. With this little nugget being common knowledge among wrestling fans (about as far as common knowledge among wrestling fans traveled at the time—remember, the Internet wasn’t nearly as much a thing in 1998 as it is now), Eric Bischoff looked to pounce on the competition to get people to leave their TVs on Nitro and not flip to RAW. His idea, which had worked in the past: give away the results of the taped RAW.

Except this one time it was very different. Tony Schiavone, ever the good soldier, gave away the result of the forthcoming, yet already taped, WWF Championship match:

“If you’re even thinking about changing the channel to our competition fans, do not. Because we understand that Mick Foley, who wrestled here one time as Cactus Jack, is going to win their world title. Whoa! That’s gonna put some butts in the seats. Heh.”

That one time was very different because Nielsen metrics showed as many as 600,000 viewers who were actually watching Nitro at the time, tuned into RAW to see said world title change. Many of those people tuned back to Nitro at 11pm (see, with a taped show, there’s no threat of running overtime), and those people tuned into see their world title change via the infamous Fingerpoke of Doom. At the time of the announced title change, Nitro had been winning the head-to-head ratings battle for the night. They gave it away—literally—when they gave away the Mick Foley win. The rest is history.

So what’s going on in the WWF at the time?

Well, a few weeks earlier, all signs pointed to Mankind being Vince McMahon’s handpicked world champion when at Survivor Series: Deadly Game it was revealed that he was catfished and The Rock was Vince’s corporate champion. At Rock Bottom, Mankind had knocked out The Rock via Mandible Claw and should have been WWF Champion, but McMahon again intervened stating that The Rock was neither pinned nor made to submit so the title does not change hands.

Stone Cold Steve Austin, also catfished at Survivor Series, had to fight his way back into title contention. His first major hurdle was to beat The Undertaker in a Buried Alive match to get in the Royal Rumble, which he did. Austin has not been seen since that night because he’s on the DL.

The Corporation and D-Generation X are looking for ways to kill one another. Or at least antagonize one another.

Chyna and Mark Henry may or may not be dating.

And Shawn Michaels has just been fired as WWF commissioner for letting Shane McMahon take a beatdown and holding the Corporation back, but not before HBK kicks Vince in the face on the way out.

Your champions (at the time of the January 4 broadcast):

·         WWF Champion: The Rock

·         WWF Intercontinental Champion: Ken Shamrock

·         WWF European Champion: X-Pac

·         WWF Hardcore Champion: “Road Dogg” Jesse James

·         WWF Tag Team Champions: Big Boss Man and Ken Shamrock

·         WWF Womens Champion: Sable

So, if you’re scoring at home, the Corporation and DX hold every belt but one. Make no mistake: they are the featured story in WWF at the time, and it’ll play an awful big part in this episode. With that, let’s try and actually say some not nice things about the January 4, 1999 episode of RAW is WAR. Between some nice things of course.

• I’ve always loved the WWF Attitude signature.
• A career retrospective for Shawn Michaels to start, voiced over by Kevin Kelley.
• We interrupt this career retrospective to bring you RAW is WAR.
• Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler on the call.
• Holy shit, there are a lotta bodies in the Corporation. One thing I don’t miss: ginormous stables.
• McMahon threatens that if Shawn Michaels shows up, he’ll be dismembered.
• Crowd at the Worcester Centrum seems unamused.
• Shawn Michaels arrives. Does the dismembering begin now?
• I guess it does.
• Shawn’s got backup…and it’s D-Generation X. Holy shit. It done just got real.
• Shawn’s contract is ironclad. He collects a paycheck until he resigns.
• President wasn’t lousy in retrospect. He was in office for the biggest economic boom in the history of the world.
• Almost forgot about this: Shane and Vince McMahon drawing Stone Cold Steve Austin’s number for the Rumble on the previous RAW. Austin was “drawn” #1, Vince #30, though he was hoping for #2.
• Shawn gives Vince his wish. Vince McMahon will enter the Royal Rumble #2.
• A stone cold crazy surprise. Gee, I wonder what that means.
• Wait… did we really need D-Generation X for this segment? It seemed unnecessary.
• And now the wrestling portion of the program. Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman in a non-title match. The two will beef off and on until Shamrock leaves the WWF in the fall of 1999.
• A wild Dan Severn appears. Still with a broken freaking neck. There was never a proper blowoff between Shamrock and Severn, was it? It would have been amazeballs. I mean, amazeballs for 1999.
• I know UFC was the butt of jokes back in the day, but did you ever imagine a world where UFC PPVs would kill WWE’s offerings in buyrates on the regular?
• Billy Gunn with the Fameasser. Ref didn’t see it, of course, as he’s looking at Dan Severn. Blackman with the upset win at 3:26. Even in 1999, champions were jobbing in non-title matches.
• Gunn and Shamrock are fighting to the death.
• A wild Mankind appears. Unscheduled.
• Mankind apparently discovered himself in the previous two weeks: he enjoyed grabbing Pat Patterson’s balls, he said “suck it” without saying please, and he likes to kick McMahon family ass. Whatever ripes your melons, I guess, Mick.
• Mankind wants one more go at the WWF Championship at the Royal Rumble. He’s got a case; he did beat The Rock at Rock Bottom.
• Foley is God. Or good. Whateves.
• Yes, you can say ass, Mick.
• The Corporate team is not right behind you, Vince. If we can’t see them, they’re not there.
• Foley as WWF Champion stains the WWF? Tell Mick how you really feel, Vince.
• Mankind likes that roar. Not sure how he feels about this roar though.
• Vince, it’s Mankind this week. And if falling off a cage and getting a tooth stuck up your nose isn’t paying dues, I don’t know what is.
• So… I guess that’s a no on the rematch.
• Mankind vs. Triple H for a Royal Rumble match spot later. Shane McMahon will be the referee.
• “Sexual Chocolate” Mark Henry. He hearts Chyna. Mark Henry will face Goldust. Henry is only the second most perverted man in the ring. That in and of itself is an upset.
• PMS (Pretty Mean Sistas) was a thing once.
• Sushi-X sign in the fifth or six row. For some inexplicable reason, a Sushi-X sign appeared at every RAW for about two years.
• If McMahon’s so smart, why he give Shawn Michaels an ironclad contract? Just saying.
• A wild Chyna appears. With a friend.
• Goldust through the uprights and into Mark Henry’s groin area. Mark Henry with the DQ win at 3:44, though the bell never rings.
• Chyna, of course Mark Henry’s hurt. He just got kicked in the junk. It hurts like hell. I thought Chyna would be aware of such matters. Fuck.
• Um… duh, Chyna. Mark’s a fattie. 400 pounds.
• Chyna’s friend, Sammy. I believe Chyna has proposed a threesome. And Mark Henry faints. (Later, it was revealed that sweet Jesus, Sammy has a penis.)
• And on this day, Jesse Ventura is inaugurated as the Governor of Minnesota.
• And he had a home video release.
• Dennis Knight… hanging out. Creppy.
• Godfather versus Test up next. I believe this is his in-ring debut. He debuted on Sunday Night Heat the previous October as a bodyguard for Motley Crue.
• Hogan leg drop by Godfather gets a near fall. Brother.
• A wild Val Venis appears. That’s three out of three matches a wild someone appears.
• Double countout at 1:59, and it’s on. Val Venis is looking to murderdeathkill Test.
• D-Generation X…chatting. Looks like they’ve kissed and made up.
• Triple H versus Mankind with Shane McMahon as special referee up next. Winner is in the Royal Rumble. Triple H with robo-Chyna. Shane did referee in a past life, by the way.
• Mankind deserves to be shot? Wow, Lawler. How do you really feel?
• The Corporate Fan in the fifth row. That’s nice.
• We can hear it pretty clear if he does. I’m not saying it’s pindrop quiet, but you can most definitely hear it.
• Shane McMahon fast counts Mankind down. Triple H wins and gets a place in the Rumble at 2:57.
• Fuck, even in 1999, Triple H goes all about “business”.
• Surprise motherfucker. Triple H pedigrees Shane McMahon. Protect yourself at all times. Because reasons. And so Mankind can kill Shane again.
• Mankind with the Rings of Saturn on Shane. Or something. He’s gonna break that shoulder. He sounds kinda serious.
• Mankind wants a title match tonight or Shane gets that arm snapped.
• Vince agrees. Not good enough.
• No disqualification, and Vince agrees. Mankind challenges The Rock for the WWF Championship later.
• A wild Rock appears. He’s pissed. And he’s not ready. But he had to, Rock. Shane was gonna lose his arm, bro.
• Edge versus D-Lo Brown next. Edge coming through the masses. D-Lo Brown, apparently back from Aruba. Edge looks like he’s got his rape face on.
• Was D-Lo Brown really gonna chokeslam Edge?
• Edge with some serious hangtime on the cross body to the outside.
• It’s not a long shot. It’s 50-50 for Mankind to win the WWF title. Steiner math, yo.
• Running powerbomb could have gotten three if he didn’t take a moment to admire his work, D-Lo.
• Oh… the infamous Terri pregnancy angle. Yeah. I’m gonna skip this. By the way, match is a no contest at 4:57. I so hate the lost baby angle. Fucking Russo.
• Kane (with shameless plug for the Brisco Brothers Body Shop), Pat Patterson, Gerald Brisco, and Shane McMahon with bum arm appear. It is changed to an impromptu match: Kane versus the stooges with Shane McMahon as referee.
• Vince McMahon is all like, “Kane. Sick balls.”
• It’s apparently “Kill Shane McMahon Night” on RAW. Vince talks Kane out of it under threat of going back to the insane asylum.
• Though Vince declares Kane the winner, it’s officially a no contest.
• Dennis Knight…still hanging out. The Acolytes tell Dennis that he’s ready.
• Road Dogg versus Al Snow for the Hardcore Championship up next. Don’t look at the head… too late. Al Snow catches the champion by surprise.
• 30 seconds in, a table appearance.
• Speaking of Al Snow, he’s in a blood-stained shirt. He got blood bathed two weeks prior.
• Al Snow moonsaults a table. Not effective offense. Just saying.
• Road Dogg hiptosses Al Snow through a table. That’s two tables down if you’re scoring at home.
• It’s becoming a backstage brawl in WWE ’13. Wonder if they based the backstage arena on this building.
• Holy shit, they’re in the snow.
• Piledriver onto a box. And that’ll do it. Road Dogg wins. In the snow. At 8:38, it’s by far the longest match of the night so far. It’s also the first match on the show with a clean finish.
• Road Dogg takes his rightful victory lap. That’s awesome. And it’s sensible because goddamn, it’s cold out there.
• Dennis Knight… deposited in a room somewhere while the Acolytes stand guard outside.
• Shawn Michaels done got dismembered by the Corporation.
• One can’t grieve forever, I suppose. The Rock versus Mankind for the WWF Championship in a no disqualification match. Challenger Mankind out with D-Generation X first. The Rock, clearly in the same clothes he was in earlier in the hour, out with the Corporation. At ringside: Billy Gunn, Chyna, Road Dogg, Triple H, X-Pac, Kane, Ken Shamrock, Shane McMahon, Vince McMahon, Test, and Big Bossman. That’s eleven people ringside. It might as well be a lumberjack match.
• Match’s not gonna end up in a wild schmozz like the other league. Foreshadowing, perhaps?
• At 1:26:20, we get our first appearance of Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler in this episode.
• Rock Bottom through the announce table. Of course.
• Comparing being the WWF Champion to being the Yankees center fielder or Cowboys quarterback. Um… okay.
• Corporate Elbow gets two.
• Mankind still has his old JOB Squad shirt. Didn’t realize that until now.
• Title shot from The Rock to Mankind’s face. Only two.
• Mankind with a double arm DDT, belt slips.
• A wild Socko appears. And it’s nap time for Rocky.
• Shamrock with a chair. Billy Gunn bumrushes Shamrock. It’s a zoo.
• Glass breaks. Oh wait. Now it’s a zoo. Stone Cold’s here. Holy shit, listen to that pop.
• Austin with a chair to Rock’s face.
• Mankind placed on top and at 8:48 is the new WWF Champion, much to the delight of the crowd.
• Oh, he can, and he did. Who knew a guy that once slept on the floors of Motel 6’s and in his Ford Fairmount and was once clotheslined so hard he couldn’t eat solid food for weeks would be the man that essentially delivered the killing blow in the Monday Night Wars?
• Yep, the man with the tattered shirt, a sweaty mask, and a sock puppet is the #1 man in the WWF.
• Mick Foley takes a well-deserved victory lap as the scene fades.

For the record, RAW got a 5.8 rating that night. Nitro began with a 5.6, but nearly lost a full point following the dead giveaway, but got back to 5.0 thanks to the Fingerpoke of Doom overrun. At the time, it was the largest combined audience for Monday night wrestling ever. If you paid attention through the episode, they were teasing something pretty big for Mankind throughout the night. While the episode is an all-time classic (it will be a part of the RAW 20^th Anniversary box set), most of the show is essentially filler. The meat comes in the last 30 minutes with the two title matches.  

Now, gonna try something new: things I liked and didn’t like in chart and/or graph form.

LIKE	The signature. I miss the hell out of it.
DIDN’T LIKE	The opening segment, which outside of the actual “dismemberment” of Shawn Michaels, meant nothing. There was actually a plan for a Shawn Michaels-Triple H match at Wrestlemania XV, but as Michaels needed to go under the knife, never came to fruition.
LIKE	The hardcore match. Yeah, these days it may be a little tough to watch given what we know about concussions and all, but this little nugget was a fun watch and is well deserved a place on the greatest RAW matches ever list. Not a top 10 or 25, mind you, but if you go to 50, sure.
DIDN’T LIKE	The pregnancy angle. So much hate for that angle. Fuck Vince Russo and whoever was the brains behind it.
LIKE	Hostile Mankind. He’s been catfished, had the WWF title taken away from him, and has had enough of the McMahon’s shit. So of course the next logical step was to take someone hostage.
DIDN’T LIKE	The fact they never explained the entire episode why Shawn Michaels decided to reunite with D-Generation X.
LIKE	Edge. Even in 1999, you knew this guy was gonna be a big deal if he could put it together. And he did.
DIDN’T LIKE	Creepy Edge rape face.
LIKE	The absolutely insane pop Stone Cold Steve Austin got, even though the whole building knew he was showing up at some point.
DIDN’T LIKE	That only one match had a clean finish. And it was the hardcore title match. But this was a sign of the times back then.
LIKE	Mick Foley getting his moment in the sun.

RAW Bowl: Proof That Football And Wrestling Don't Mix

Last fall, an episode of Monday Night RAW garnered a 2.5 rating. At the time, that episode was the least-watched non-holiday RAW since 1997. Amazingly, WWE managed to break through the floor. Twice.  Granted, the second of the two occurred on a holiday. But as bad as ratings were around this time last year, just remember: once upon a time they were worse.

A September 1995 episode of RAW did a 1.9. So did a March 1997 RAW episode. The one in March, taking place in Berlin, Germany, was so poorly received, that the next week, RAW got a makeover and became RAW is WAR. (Such a shame really. The 200^th episode special was a pretty stacked card, including the European Championship final that is absolutely the tits.) If a 1.9 rating for what was a classic episode couldn't produce drastic change, then why couldn't this episode of RAW do the same? Well, boys and girls, travel with me if you will to 1996.

No, no, not the awesome summer of 1996, the summer of Austin 3:16 and the New World Order. I mean the beginning of 1996, where we’re still trying to recover from the hangover that was 1995. 1995: the year of the Dungeon of Doom, Diesel not drawing flies, Duke the Dumpster, and dreadful wrestling. The two big wrestling feds were dealing with clique problems: the WWF with Shawn Michaels and friends having pretty much their run of the place, and WCW with Hulk Hogan and his BFFs taking over their programming.

Oh, and in its infancy was the Monday Night Wars. Give Eric Bischoff and the people running WCW at the time credit. They were raising the bar in what could be done on a free wrestling show. Case in point: the opening match on the January 1 Nitro was Arn Anderson vs. Randy Savage. And the main event: Ric Flair defending the WCW World Heavyweight Championship against Hulk Hogan. WWF’s offering was in the can for two weeks (which kinda sorta made sense because, you know, the holidays). But when that can was opened, we were treated to one of the lower points in WWF history. Strap on your helmets, fans. Because in the spirit of football season, it’s RAW BOWL time.

--

The first (and as it turned out, only) RAW Bowl aired on January 1, 1996, but was taped two Mondays prior from the Bob Carpenter Center at the University of Delaware. The main hook (and bulk of) the show was its football-themed four corners elimination tag team match, with the winner taking home the Lombardi Trophy presented by The Brooklyn Brawler (real name: Steve Lombardi). So, like nearly every post-season college football bowl game, nothing more than bragging rights were at stake. And like college football, the champions were pretty much predetermined (this, by the way, was during the Bowl Alliance era, a precursor to the Bowl Championship Series. This was back in the era where there was no one-game winner-take-all season ender.)

The football clichés were on full blast here. I’ll try and keep track of them all here. Anyways, the main selling point of this “special episode” was a four corners tag team match, and in keeping with the football theme, all the participants were wearing jerseys. Also of note, this show marked the debut of the infamous “Billionaire Ted” skits and had quite the surprise announcement as to who would be in the Royal Rumble match.

Thankfully, since this show is from 1996, it’s only an hour, about 48 minutes if you do away with ads and such. Can I say anything nice about a football-themed WWF show?

• And less than a minute in, I’ve already lost count. But here’s what I’ve caught: pregame crowd outside the building, band, cheerleaders, a homecoming queen, sideline reporters. That’s not counting the three or four clichés Carnival Barker Vince McMahon was spouting.
• Oh, and we get a Diesel vs. Mabel match in this episode. I’m in full hate mode already. If you need an explanation, I simply refer to their bout at Summerslam 1995 as evidence.
• And a Jim Ross crack: “Jumbo Jim”. Even in the mid-90s, Vinnie Mac couldn’t resist taking jabs at Ross. Fuck.
• Yeah, it wasn’t the Orange Bowl, which featured Florida State rallying from 12 down in the fourth quarter earlier in the day to beat Notre Dame. It certainly wasn’t the Fiesta Bowl played the next night, where top-ranked Nebraska curb stomped second-ranked Florida to the tune of 62-24. No, it wasn’t either of those classics by any stretch.
• Vin McMahon and Jerry Musburgerking on the call. Vince McMahon will have more negative things said about him today than Vin Scully will in his entire life. That’s a fact. And Jerry Musburgerking? What the hell is this, a Wheel of Fortune puzzle?
• Lawler in a Cleveland Browns jersey is still sad, even today. The 1995 Browns started 3-1, then lost nine of their next ten games before finishing the year 5-11. During their 1-9 run, it was announced the Browns would relocate to Balitmore, where they’ve been much more successful since.
• The tag team champions out first, tearing through the banner, the Smoking Gunns. Billy Gunn wearing #38, Bart Gunn wearing #45. Because they’re guns. Get it? Jam an icepick into my retina. BTW: the tag belts are not on the line in this four corners elimination tag match.
• Out next is the team that beat them for the belts at Wrestlemania XI (and would beat a few months later), Owen Hart (#1…well, because he thinks he is) and Yokozuna (#641…well, because he’s fat.)
• Brother Love leading a locker room prayer. Because bringing a guy who’s three shades redder than red back is good for business.
• Razor Ramon (#4 for the number of times he’s been WWF Intercontinental Champion, at the time a record) and Savio Vega (Uno because… yeah, nevermind. Fucking WWF.) out next.
• Goldust’s usher handing out flowers. Razor no like flowers. A wild Goldust appears.
• 1-2-3 Kid (#123 because… 1-2-3) and Sycho Sid (#00 because reasons) with Ted Dibiase out last. The Kid and Sid. Apparently they’re a six and a half point favorites. Really? The tag champs (and the former tag champs) are in this match and they’re the favorites? Steiner math thinks that’s ridiculous.
• Rules because there have to be: two in at a time. When one member of the team is beat for any reason, the whole team leaves. Each team can stop the match once for a timeout. Anyone can tag anyone else, but physical contact must be made before tagging out to someone else.
• Earl Hebner in football referee gear this evening.
• Owen Hart tags in Billy Gunn. They must engage.
• And they engage for a bit, then they simultaneously tag Owen and Yokozuna. Engage, Owen.
• Yeah, how did ya think that was gonna go, Owen? He’s fat.
• Savio Vega in. Yeah, not going too well for Savio.
• 1-2-3 Kid in with Savio Vega.
• A wild Goldust appears. The football clichés keep coming.
• Owen Hart back in, 1-2-3 Kid out.
• Razor Ramon in.
• Lawler sitting with the RAW Bowl queen, whom we find out is someone named Ashley.
• A couple tags and Sycho Sid is in. Shit done got real.
• Dirty old man Jerry Lawler is dirty old man.
• Bart Gunn done blowed up Sid.
• Brother Love with another pre-game locker room prayer. The match is well in progress, guy.
• You know what conference Sid is from? The WAC. The Western Athletic Conference? No, the wack. Because he’s wacko. Hey-o.
• Savio with a barrel roll and Razor Ramon is in with his former/future BFF 1-2-3 Kid.
• Kid calls timeout. Razor does not care. Hebner throws the flag.
• Sid with a blow to the back as play resumes, and Razor and Savio are out. Savio wanted timeout, but no dice. Hebner never saw it.
• Gunns 100-1 to win the RAW Bowl? Think I better call my bookie.
• Some would argue the most prestigious trophy in sports is the Stanley Cup, but to each his own.
• Billy Gunn is swinging on everybody.
• Fat Yokozuna is fat. Billy Gunn is moved and Owen Hart gets crushed, and is pinned by Billy. Yokozuna wanted timeout, but for the second time, Hebner misses it. Owen and Yokozuna are out.
• Diesel vs. Mabel later. Excuse me while I throw up in my mouth a little bit.
• Sid with a near fall on the Hogan leg drop.
• Sid with a one-handed chokeslam.
• Ashley’s still there? Oh, there she is.
• Dibiase distracts the ref, Kid goes up top, Razor pushes Kid off, sending him to Sid, and Billy picks up the scraps. The Smoking Gunns win the RAW Bowl.
• Creepy Jerry Lawler is still creepy.
• Shawn Michaels press conference scheduled for the following Monday.
• RAW Bowl halftime report presented by Wrigley’s with Dok Hendrix. Fastest two minutes in sports, I guess.
• Bret Hart vs. Undertaker for the WWF title announced. Bret Hart compared to the Nebraska Cornhuskers, Undertaker compared to the Florida Gators. Hart-Taker was a lot closer than Nebraska-Florida. Just saying.
• Highlights of the In Your House match between Henry Godwinn and Hunter Hearst Helmsley. Yeah, I’ll pass.
• Fat King Mabel is fat. This man won a King of the Ring and main evented a Summerslam once. About a decade later he got to make out with Lilian Garcia. I hate him.
• Brother Love still leading a prayer. RAW Bowl is over.
• Diesel out next.
• Oh, and RAW Queen Ashley is still there.
• Wow. Quick eight second squash of Mabel. Mabel would be out of the WWF three weeks later.
• Jackknife powerbomb to Mo. Diesel is in full “Diesel’s had enough of your shit” mode.
• Diesel is still a ladies man. Bitches love Diesel. It was a really good year for Diesel.
• It’s a Brisk Tea bath for the Brooklyn Brawler.
• The Vader package, albeit brief, was pretty damn awesome (not to mention a bit of a jaw dropper for many wrestling fans).
• There’s also the premiere of the Billionaire Ted skits, and that’s that.

So was it the one of the worst RAWs ever? Well, yes. And no. It depends on how you viewed the episode. If you were looking at as a pure wrestling program for good matches and storyline advancement, then you’ll likely hate the episode. As a standalone RAW, it’s okay. The four team tag match was pretty decent. The extra fluff was what it was. The football puns and creepy Jerry Lawler being creepy will likely grind your gears. But this was a holiday episode, and the WWE, even back then, doesn’t try hard over the holidays.

And now the most stunning fact from this night (other than the fact that Shawn Michaels did retire the following week, only to take it back at the Royal Rumble two weeks later and win the thing): the RAW Bowl, taped two weeks earlier, narrowly beat Nitro with a Hogan-Flair main event done live 2.6 to 2.5. Why change when you don’t have to? That answer would come that summer.

So, remember kids, appreciate the wrestling product you have now. It could easily be much worse. It could be mid-90s WWF. Or worse, it could be TNA.

And that football and wrestling don't mix. 

One Debut, One Return, One Night

August 1999 was a great time to be a wrestling fan. In the WWF, life was good. The company was about to return to broadcast television with Smackdown. Ratings have never been higher. And they're crushing their competition. However, storyline-wise, the WWF was in a bit of a strange spot: the one that turned the company's fortunes around, the Austin-McMahon saga, had just ended, and there were questions as to whether Triple H can really handle the mantle of being the top heel. In addition, behind the scenes, there was about to be a major change: Vince Russo and Ed Ferrara, two members of the creative team partially credited for getting the WWF out of the gutter, were heading for WCW.

That soon-to-be-exit was an outlier in the transfer of talent happening in the major wrestling organizations at the time. After the WWF saw the majority of their big names from the 1980s leave for greener pastures and bigger money in WCW during the mid-90s, those in WCW looking for upward mobility had to come to the WWF. Of note, Steve Austin, Mick Foley, Vader, and Paul Levesque (aka Triple H), under various circumstances, found themselves in the WWF and flourished. 

In 1999, the WWF got their hands on hot free agent Chris Jericho. Frustrated with the working environment in WCW, Jericho came to the WWF with quite a bit of fanfare. Instead of vignettes for the debuting talent, a "countdown to the millennium" clock appeared throughout their WWF programs for weeks. The countdown would end not at the actual turn of the millennium, but around 10pm ET on August 9. Then, magic.

On the same night, after some convincing from his son to ditch the nWo black and white colors, Hulk Hogan for the first time in three years wore the red and yellow that made him famous. He would keep the colors until the New Blood-Millionaires Club angle in the spring of 2000, when he would remain "Hollywood" Hogan until the end of his WCW run. Magic there too.

While Hogan going back to the red and yellow was somewhat unexpected, Jericho's WWF debut was (even though Jericho didn't look back on it too fondly in his autobiography) as about as good a debut as there was in wrestling history.

So how did it work out for USA and TNT? RAW crushed Nitro by a 2-to-1 margin (6.4 for RAW to 3.1 for Nitro).

Compliment Sandwich: Wrestlemania XV

Full disclosure: this Wrestlemania holds a special place in my heart. It’s the first Wrestlemania I watched on PPV (watched it with a couple of my brothers), and a couple years ago, I got it on DVD. Not the Wrestlemania Anthology version: the original version (which, along with Sable: Unleashed, was the first DVD produced by the WWF).

Full disclosure again: this show is awful, especially when you hold it up against today’s product. It’s not on the level of IV, IX, and XI, but it barely clears the bar. Barely (on the strength of the main event alone). But among the “bad” Wrestlemanias, this is my favorite.

Wrestlemania XV took place from the First Union Center (today named the Wells Fargo Center) in Philadelphia on March 28, 1999, just a day shy of a year since Stone Cold Steve Austin first won the WWF title and set the wrestling world on fire. Since that day, the WWF had a renaissance. Once left for (and declared) dead by WCW executive vice-president Eric Bischoff, the WWF had caught and, in recent months, surpassed its rival in their head-to-head Monday night programming.

This was in part due to a style of wrestling programming dubbed “Crash TV” by head writer Vince Russo. His idea: have as many things happen as possible so as to keep the viewer constantly engaged. Matches were merely background noise for the stories surrounding them. Characters were outlandish and controversial. And there was always a surprise or swerve around the corner. As crazy as the idea was, it worked for the WWF, as they saw record ratings and revenue. Of course, having the McMahon filter certainly helped, as WCW would find out a year later.

Oh, in true Attitude Era fashion, the tagline for this Wrestlemania: The Ragin’ Climax. Can I make nice with this edition with the “Showcase of the Immortals”? Let’s find out.

• Boyz II Men doing “America the Beautiful”. Promising start.
• Love the opening with Classy Freddie Blassie.
• Cole and Lawler on the call. No. Just… no. Yes, I fully understood the situation regarding Jim Ross around this time (Bell’s Palsy from a couple months back).
• Smart call to start Wrestlemania XV with a hardcore title match. First person through the curtain: Al Snow, a former ECW combatant. Did I mention the ECW Arena’s not too far from the First Union Center?
• Billy Gunn inexplicably in the hardcore title match with Al Snow and “Hardcore” Bob Holly. No. Do not like.
• “LET’S GO FLYERS!” “ECW!” At least Philly is engaged.
•  Al Snow and Hardcore Holly would go on to be trainers on the original Tough Enough a couple years later.
• Billy Gunn does the work, Bob Holly reaps the reward. Sucks for Billy. I believe Billy’s the first to lose his title at Wrestlemania without actually being beat for it.
• Not even 30 seconds after the opener, we go to the tag title match. The challengers were decided in this manner: 20-man preshow battle royal, last two become a team for the night. In true Russo fashion, the final two don’t get along. Those two: D-Lo Brown and Test.
• What is Debra almost wearing? (Side nugget: Debra recently became a college graduate at age 53.) I likes so much.
• Nice shirt, Test. Guns don’t kill people. I kill people. Good thing it was 1999, I suppose.
• Five minutes of my life I won’t get back. That match sucked. The tag title match the year before: The New Age Outlaws going HAM against Cactus Jack and Chainsaw Charlie for 14 minutes in a dumpster match. The year after: the triangle ladder match classic that forever set the bar for ladder matches since.
• Wrestling ring being converted to boxing ring for the Brawl for All match. Your judges: former Mike Tyson trainer Kevin Rooney, the man that inspired the Rocky movie series Chuck Wepner, and Gorilla Monsoon in his final major public appearance before dying six months later.
• 36 seconds, and Bart Gunn’s wrestling career in America got the GTS in the form of Butterbean’s left hand.
• San Diego Chicken right on time though. Gotta wash the taste out of our mouths after witnessing that sudden victory.
• Mankind, aka the odd man left out in the world title picture, taking on Big Show in his first PPV match in the WWF. He debut six weeks earlier at St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.  
• Oh, the winner of the match gets the referee gig for the main event. I hate that stipulation so much, and I hate it even more that it’s being decided on PPV. Couldn’t ya have decided it in the preshow? Or on RAW the week before? (Smackdown wasn’t around yet.)
• Way to injure a vital player in the WWF with that backdrop, you fat fuck.
• That’s an odd disqualification. You know, a ref bump would have been just as effective. Just saying.
• And why is McMahon miked up?
• Any time Vince gets knocked on his ass is a good day. I like.
• You never seen Mankind get stretchered out? Hell in a Cell, King of the Ring 1998 says hello. Fucking Michael Cole.
• Intercontinental Championship is up next. Three of the four men involved in this match are connected with “Ken Shamrock’s sister”, Ryan. Road Dogg, the champion, is not.  Should have been Billy Gunn in this spot. Fucking Russo booking.
• I never was a Ryan Shamrock fan.
• Four corner rules apply. Two in at a time, anyone can tag anyone else. Get beat, get gone. Last man remaining wins. This was before they figured out a fatal-four-way-everyone-in-at-once would be way more effective.
• And of course it degenerates into a fatal-four-way-everyone-in-at-once match.
• Ken Shamrock proving once again he’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer by making it back at 10.5. Idiot. Venis also gets counted out but at least he earned his countout. He got his ass whooped.
• And Road Dogg wins less than a minute later. To quote Justin Henry from the Camel Clutch Blog, this match had “soap opera opportunites up the wazoo and they made it a slow paced 1 on 1 encounter”.
• Ryan with some awful, awful acting.
• And as it turns out, Big Show fits in a police car.
• Kane vs. Pete Rose: round 2. Second verse, same as the first. That’s the best part of this segment, as the match that follows…
• Triple H vs. Kane is slow and plodding. Neither was in their prime yet.
• Oh, this was the “Chyna’s eye put out by a fireball” match.
• Yeah, this crowd is not engaged. Can’t blame them.
• A wild Robo-Chyna appears.
• And Robo-Chyna nails Kane. Triple H gets disqualified. That’s two disqualifications, a countout, a knockout, and a title changing hands without the champion losing if you’re scoring at home. No. Do not like. At all.
• Show’s half over, still four matches to go.
• I heart Sable 1998.
• This, however, is Sable 1999. She’s “defending” the WWF Womens Championship against Tori. It’s gonna suck, ya’ll.
• Tori in a catsuit coming out to no reaction whatsoever.
• This, by the way, is the Trish Stratus-Mickie James angle done wrong. They would get it right seven years later.
• It should be worth pointing out that Tori was a pretty competent wrestler on the indie circuit prior to her WWF run.
• Sable’s in-ring skills have improved over the past year. Really, Cole?
• I’m trying to say nice things about this match, but the list of nice things about this match start and end with Sable’s outfit.
• Fuck me, there’s a ref bump in this match too.
• And Nicole Bass.
• Five more minutes of my life I’ll never get back.
• Shane McMahon: champion of Europe. It grinds my gears but he was the most credible McMahon champion of all the ones that held a belt until Triple H post-marriage.
• I always digged the custom shirts Shane had for his bouts.
• I also digged that they booked X-Pac like an underdog here. He’s fighting like seven or eight guys here not named Shane McMahon.
• Seriously though, they overbooked the hell out of this match.
• And the swerve I still hate to this day: not even 30 minutes after DX reunites, they break up. Triple H with the Pedigree to X-Pac, and that’s a wrap. Fuck Russo booking.
• Big Bossman gets the jobber entrance for the first Hell in a Cell match in Wrestlemania history. How bad is this Hell in a Cell? Well, there were two HIAC matches between the first one in October 1997 and this one that were on RAW. They made the compilation. This one did not.
• And Satanic cult leader Undertaker looks awesome. That’s the only redeeming quality of the next fifteen minutes or so.
• I know I have to be positive, so I’ll do that by doing this: I’m skipping this match. You should too.
• Seriously though, this match can go die in a fire.
• JIM ROSS! JIM ROSS! JIM ROSS! JIM ROSS! Fuck. Yes. Hit the bricks, Cole, you are out.
• Vince Mcmahon, clearly not in his best referee shirt.
• Shawn Michaels, clearly not dressed for Philadelphia weather. After the travesty that was Hell in a Cell, the crowd is engaged again.
• Ok, this promo’s going a bit long. This probably could have been done in about three minutes: McMahon’s out, Mike Chioda gets to referee. Where was Earl Hebner?
• The Rock, your WWF Champion, is out first.
• Vestless Stone Cold.
• And they’re throwing hands. I love that.  
• Chioda playing referee and security. Hope he got double pay.
• They’ve spent a lot more time outside the ring than inside at about four minutes in.
• Backdrop on to the lights. That sucked.
• This is a main event fight, and good on Austin and Rock treating it as such.
• The logo be swaying a little too much there. Just saying.
• About six minutes in, and they’ve pretty much gone around the whole arena floor.
• About eight minutes in, they finally get back in the ring. First move is the Rock Bottom. Damn.
• Goddamn, Chioda got killed dead with that chairshot. Get a hand up, man.
• Hey look! Psychology appears. Rock working on Austin’s knee. Here’s what happens when you get a couple guys that know what they’re doing and great chemistry with one another.
• A wild Tim White appears.
• It’s about eleven or twelve minutes and we finally get a resthold. Been that intense of a match.
• Rock Bottom to Tim White.
• Oh, hey. There’s Earl Hebner. Five seconds too late.
• A wild Vince McMahon appears. We’re getting dangerously close to overbooking territory.
• McMahon KOs Hebner.
• A wild Mick Foley appears. Referee #4. (#5 if you count Vince.)
• Austin nearly okeydoked Rock with a rollup.
• Rocky bricks the Corporate Elbow.
• Austin with the Stunner. Mankind counts 3. AUSTIN WINS! AUSTIN WINS! AUSTIN WINS! I approve of this main event. After what Philly’s been served with throughout the night, they deserved a sweet ending.
• Austin pulling Hebner in like, “we’re gonna celebrate until the wheels fall off.”
• Austin stuns McMahon. I love. LOVE.

For all the faults Wrestlemania XV had, it didn’t hurt WWF’s momentum against WCW a bit. In fact, WCW was going through one of their many periods of consistent incompetence at the time of Wrestlemania XV. So is it one of the worst PPVs ever? Yeah. But in this pile of garbage is the first major match of one of wrestling’s greatest trilogies: Austin-Rock. That match alone is worth your time. The rest: probably not so much.